Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Cleaning out the hard drive

Walking down memory lane
Full of laughter, full of pain
Can't help remembering things
Things that are part of the terrain
Of life.

Today I (had to) cleaned out my hard drives. There are too many TBs of memories out there. I came across old blog posts, unfinished poems, early pictures of bhanju wanju, and most importantly, the previous me.

If I compare myself in 2009 to the one in 2014 - I see a HUGE difference. Like, enormous. My entire brain was re-wired in these five years. My world-view changed completely.

But in that change, I think I lost quite a few things as well. I lost the easy laughter, the easy carefree-ness. Not only that, I lost quite a bit of self-esteem.

If there is one lesson I really really learned in these 5 years .. "Nothing much is going to be according to how you wish it to be".

This place has made me humble :).. that's for sure. I no longer think I'm a "good student" - I no longer even think I'm a "good Muslim".

I think this humility is a great thing so maybe I should be happy about it.

So long folks. 


Tazeen said...

Assalamu-alaikum, Uni!

It's me, Tazeen from Crimson Sky! :D It's been *such* a long time but I felt compelled to visit your blog today, and even more to comment after reading this particular post.

I stopped blogging roughly three years ago. Believe it or not, I grew out of it. It's wise to go anon online and maybe because I didn't do that, the "fame" became exhausting.

(It's so good to be dropping you a message!)

Anyway, coming to the point, I know what you mean when you say you compared your new and old self after going through some old stuff. I did that only today myself. Went through all of my old poetry (and trashed it) and went through some of my blog too (it exists but I've closed it down). The change has been massive and it's surprising how life gets in just a handful of years. A lot like you, I no longer believe I'm a good anything. My writings make me cringe and my worst fear is not having Allah on my side. But on most days, I am grateful for this "growing up". I also agree with how nothing is going to be like you wish.

I pray for your good health and well-being and may you always be happy. :)

Uni said...

Walaikumassalam :)

Jazakillah for the comment! I have become so lazy in blog updates that I no longer even visit it for many many days. And I don't miss it (except a few times :))

Why did you trash your poetry? I remember it was quite beautiful! And no, indeed they were not cringe-worthy.

Jazakillah for wishes and duas and same for you.

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