Sunday, September 15, 2013

Of induced guilt and emotional promises

Time and again, I am hit with guilt over many things in life. Time and again, I have questioned and re-questioned myself on many things.Guilt over something can only come from within one's own self.

Guilt, if comes from external sources, like the people around us, only results in anger and bitterness.

These pearls of wisdom (or not) are doing the tonga in my brain.

Wish some machine learning would also join in!

Doing PhD was one of the things I had always coveted, aimed for. Maybe I attached too much importance to it, I sometimes feel. However, when I got it, it's all-consuming nature made me have second thoughts. But those were MY second thoughts, hence ... they resulted in temporary uncertainties, re-questioning myself, and working hard to achieve set goals.

Now, that I am kind of settled in this routine, in this work atmosphere, and in the research I am pursuing, this dragon has reared up its face. Should I forge ahead? Or should I give in.

The choice is mine. As I look both ways before taking the step, I see discontent, disillusionment, dismay and desolation. There isn't any choice that will make me truly happy.

And this is the test.

May Allah Help us make the right choices.

And may Allah enable us to never make promises about situations thinking that, "THAT would never happen." (because it just might)


Noor said...

Uni baji, everything will be right. Inshallah. Pray istikhara prayer.

love & prayers for you.

Uni said...

And that's why they say "Never write blog posts in a burst of emotion".

*embarrassed smile*

The issue is Alhamdulillah in control. Jazakillah khair for the encouraging comment and duas!