Saturday, September 21, 2013

In class poetry

I sit in class
Trying not to sleep
Attention on non-parametric models
I just can't keep

The golden hair in front of me
Glisten in the light
They're long and curly
What a sight

The hairband matches the shirt
Holding that hair in place
As they cascade down the back
Of the guy, just 3 feet away

Copyright Uni 2013

PS: He has a mustache! Omg...! *trying not to look in that direction now*

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Of induced guilt and emotional promises

Time and again, I am hit with guilt over many things in life. Time and again, I have questioned and re-questioned myself on many things.Guilt over something can only come from within one's own self.

Guilt, if comes from external sources, like the people around us, only results in anger and bitterness.

These pearls of wisdom (or not) are doing the tonga in my brain.

Wish some machine learning would also join in!

Doing PhD was one of the things I had always coveted, aimed for. Maybe I attached too much importance to it, I sometimes feel. However, when I got it, it's all-consuming nature made me have second thoughts. But those were MY second thoughts, hence ... they resulted in temporary uncertainties, re-questioning myself, and working hard to achieve set goals.

Now, that I am kind of settled in this routine, in this work atmosphere, and in the research I am pursuing, this dragon has reared up its face. Should I forge ahead? Or should I give in.

The choice is mine. As I look both ways before taking the step, I see discontent, disillusionment, dismay and desolation. There isn't any choice that will make me truly happy.

And this is the test.

May Allah Help us make the right choices.

And may Allah enable us to never make promises about situations thinking that, "THAT would never happen." (because it just might)

Friday, September 6, 2013

Grays and blacks


The past two weeks have been one of the most tough and learning experiences of my life. I've shifted 4 houses in my past life (past life = life before I came to the US), and yet, this latest shifting was... well there is only one word for it. BAD.

It wasn't decided for a looongg time whether we would shift places or not. The current apartment people had been proving themselves to be true capitalists and so, our hearts heavy, we finally decided that yes, we would move. The advantages of moving were many: it would save costs, be closer to campus and masjid (so save fuel) and there are quite a few community members all around that place.

Sounds heavenly no?

So the first step was to bring boxes into the house. Walmart and Kroger were visited in the late hours when workers are filling shelves and discarding the cartons. We got those, and then I made the boxes by adding tape to the bottom part. Then, started filling in the stuff.

And boy, was there stuff or what!! I thought I had a light footprint in this world. Ho. What a joke.

The boxes quickly ran out. We had to make further trips to Walmart, and the boxes kept on filling. Soon, our house resembled as if Sandy had made its way through it. Last to last Sunday, our furniture was moved to the new place. That, thankfully was not my responsibility so guiltily, I spent time at a friend's who had invited all girls for lunch while the u-haul truck made its way back and forth between the old houses and new ones. There were three guys who had hired it so a lot of furniture had to be moved.

Then came the actual transferring of boxes to the new place. Man, the countless trips to and from the old apartment to the car, and then car to new apartment, and then back to old apartment and loading more boxes. Uff. The cycle never seemed to end. Days went by. Each day, I thought, okay NOW I think I can take a break, go to campus and work on something. Each day, I thought: No, I can't. Have to do this, this and this at home, etc.

Then had to get professional carpet cleaning done in the old place (legal requirement a/c to our lease *scowl*) and the apartment inspection was done. I had spent hours and hours cleaning it. Bless a friend who helped me out. When the apartment inspection lady opened the cooking range, she said, "Did you never use it or did you clean it?"

I beamed .. :D. My countless hours cleaning the kitchen paid off I think, Alhamdulillah. So the inspection was done and I don't think we will be robbed off our security deposit all that much.

Now comes the sad part of moving in. Unpacking.

The boxes were strewn around each and every room. And okay, it's just three rooms but still. They were on furniture, they were on counters. And we needed curtains!

So off we went to IKEA and a brilliant idea struck. We saw fabric (colorful with geometric print) and cut out that fabric for curtains. Then, as I scratched my head in confusion over how to sew the thing, another friend came to the rescue :D. Alhamdulillah. She sewed the curtains for us and we hung them up and now they look very nice :):)

SO finally, the ordeal came to an end. The house is in working order. It looks inhabited by human beings. And the curtains look lovely. I should probably add a picture. Later perhaps. Too tired to go and snap one.

This is a bigger place than before but there is one problem: cockroaches :(.

May Allah Help us, Ameen.

May Allah also Help us in realizing that we will dwell only temporarily in the places of the world. Ameen.