That's a pretty huge decision to make about life.
Not surprisingly, her "coming out of the religious closet" upset me. How can a person be so oblivious to the blinding flash of truth right in front of their eyes? You only have to look around yourself, to appreciate the marvelous design all around you. Evolutionary biology may explain the natural variation in living organisms, but really, they don't explain the source of those variations.
Anyway, this is one long-standing debate between athiests and believers. We have a debate on "Does God Exist" on campus coming up in April's first week. I hope to go. But as always, I will come outside feeling unsettled in my heart. Alhamdulillah I have not experienced any second thoughts on THAT issue (this just came up because I just read that sad blog post), but I have experienced feeling unsettled because of the blatant rejection of something very obvious.
My second thoughts are (oh-what-a-surprise) on my life choices. The path I have chosen to take. I came to America. I started doing a PhD.
What I could have done, instead:
1. Taken online courses in Islamic sciences and become a scholar
2. Done editing jobs for a publishing house which publishes Islamic translated books from Arabic to English.
3. Learnt Arabic
Instead, I am:
1. Continually involved in doing something I am not very good at. Reason: I don't have CS background. I did my MS in it, but how did I do that, I have no idea.
2. Trying to catch up on my lack of proper background by doing CS61A : "The Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs" - something, every undergrad does when they start out their CS undergrad. [and I have a list of other subjects lined up like Algorithms, which I have to take].
3. Unless I improve my background, I am unable to go forward in research. Why, you may ask: Because any paper I read, just stays in my brain. The tools to implement that paper is not with me. I am not a C++ programmer, and the field I am in, requires usage of a fast programming language like C++ to get things done.
4. MATLAB is just not working out for me. As I mentioned, MATLAB can work with maybe a few images, but when you talk about a large collection of videos, unfortunately, there is only one choice. C++.
So this is the current situation. I am nearly a year into my program, and the only progress I have made is to find out a huge list of things I don't know, and need to catch up on.
I guess it didn't help today when somebody I trust pointed out: "You should really have gone into something you are good at - like journalism".
If this comment is coming from somebody I trust, I trust that it's well-meant and not meant as a snide remark.
That's what worries me.
What if I am completely in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, aiming for the wrong aim.