Thursday, March 28, 2013

I really do try not to whine much!

And the remedy is to keep oneself totally busy. But at times like these, when the lab is nearly empty, people are packing up and going, having achieved something in their day, you just have to sit back, and reflect on all the hours wasted, and how your own day went.

And so I will. [talk about evidence establishment for whining].

Anyway, I was the under-dog today. I had a group meeting where people were talking about...me! These were all senior students who wanted to help me out. Kind looks and helpful suggestions were flying all around. The group meeting was actually about something totally different, but somehow, the topic came up to me and how my research is just not getting started. And what I could/could not do about it. And what are the next steps I should take. And how I shouldn't give up. And should go to senior students for help. And just... START things on my own.

I suppose I should be really grateful, and I suppose I am. But it just doesn't sit well with me that our educational system and lack of concrete thought when choosing an undergrad program - could be so... pity-inducing.

You should have seen the kindly looks I got. My heart feels like a Google server is on top of it.

All in all, some take-away lessons from this experience are:

1. You should never believe fellow students/family when they tell you "You're a good student MashAllah".
2. You should never make an undergrad program choice based on how cool "Satellite Communications" seems to be.
3. If you're going in a core CS PhD program in a world-class university, do spend a year bringing your background up to the mark if you don't have a CS background. It will save you eons of embarrassment.

The one thing this program (if I ever finish it) has taught me: Humility. Utter, humility.

Which is a really good thing, in my opinion :). But it doesn't help your self-esteem one single bit.

Life, in short, is not great at the moment.

May Allah Help and Guide us all, Ameen. 

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