Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Sugar and Spice, and everything... nice?

What I have experienced is, that with sugar and spice, things are NOT always nice. However sweet the sugar is, and however spicy the spice is.

That's why moderation is the key to a er, sweet and sour chicken recipe... **trails off lamely**

What silliness am I writing? :-(

Life kinda sucks these days. Today too, even though it was better than most days, the frustrating thing that happened today was that I had a meeting with my supervisor. I had prepared a lot. I had gotten up at 8.15am ! (which for me, is a huge thing these days). Oh well, when I reached there, there was a nasty surprise waiting for  me. Locked office!

I asked around and then was informed that there was a faculty meeting going on, which would last till 1.30 pm. So much for the thesis meeting. I texted my supervisor but no reply. I drove back home.

Later, he did message and apologized a lot (a LOT) for forgetting to inform me about the meeting. I guess I shouldn't feel too bad. After all, my supervision isn't that hugely important as other hugely important matters of the university. And his phone was out of charge as well ... so yeah, I guess I should just forgive and forget. Forgive I did.. :).. but the latter part is the harder one.

May Allah Forgive me, Ameen.

I wish I could just figure out, what in heavens is so wrong with my life.

1. I am not dying of hunger in Somalia
2. I am not one of those affected by target killings in Karachi
3. I am not affiliated with any sucky political party
4. I am safe and sound in my home, among my family
5. Who love me and care for me
6. I have friends
7. I have the mind to work on my thesis and this side project I have taken up (hey, i never talked about it before!)
8. I have tooooo many books to read
9. I have got to apply to a university of my choice by December, and I haven't even taken a start in that direction.
10. The document I had been working on for today's meeting with supervisor, was viewed by him over email and the comment was 'This is really good!' ...

I so wish I could figure out what my problem is.

I can pinpoint a few things. Maybe.

1. Maybe it's the 'last-time-ness' of everything... Mum keeps saying 'Uni won't be with us next Ramadan'... Chotpo too..
2. Haven't been attending as many taraweehs as I should in the masjid... even though the masjid won't be seen again (from the inside) by me, after this Ramadan.
3. I look around the house, and everything seems to be waving at me ... goodbye.
4. I can't hold back my tears at point number 3, and I continuously have to pretend to be having the flu.
5. There are other reasons too, besides point number 3 which I don't dare admit, and can't even explain to my own self, let alone others.
6. I'm in a conflict with myself.

Dreams, ambitions, heart, logic, or common sense?

So many choices. So few answers. The more and sugar and spice, the more everything seems messed up.

I can only ask Allah (SWT) for Help. Ameen.

PS: Sorry for the whine when so many are so worse off. I wish I could be more grateful...

8 comments:

Tazeen said...

*Hugs* It happens to the best of us.

Uni said...

@Tazeen
**smiles a lil painfully**.. Thanks for the hug. It helps!

XOXO

Glow said...

Things will improve inshAllah for all of us!! :)

if you feel like talking sometime talk to me, i am sure you have others to talk to but just in case :P

Uni said...

@Glow
Insha Allah

And thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for the offering to talk thingie. Each friend is unique and is irreplaceable at least in my life.. :)

Jazakillah :):)

*kaafi cheered up already* :)

Noor said...

sab theek hojaega. ap pareshan na hun! :)

Uni said...

@Noor
Insha Allah.

That's such a cute comment, thank you :):)

Jazakillah, in fact.. ! I am better already Alhamdulillah.

Sarah A. said...

hey there sadness :P

abt the goodbye things....not been there so dunno yet...but umm...if you ever wanna talk. little 'ol me is here.... Just err 25 min drive from your home :D

Let's have a get together at the usual spot after ramadan shall we?? And bring along your partner in crime too :)

Uni said...

@Sarah
Aww, thanks so much yar :)

And yeah, I definitely want to get together 'at the usual spot' .. with my 'partner in crime' .. as u put it so aptly :)

i'm not all sadness now waisay hello!

:P

Thanks haan!