Monday, April 18, 2011

Of Spookiness :$ and Life's Lessons!


The post is supposed to be about something else, but what happened abhi in the previous 15 minutes, is worth noting down (even if I can laugh at it later - my heart is still beating rather wildly at the moment).

The thing is that we had loads of guests today (I say loads because Bhanju stands for 5 people :D)... And finally when everybody left and now I was relaxing and sitting in front of the PC after a long gap, doing something I have long since given up :$. Listening to a Hilary Duff song (and asking somebody to sing it !!). Then I was called by Mum to help her in taking out the laundry from the spin-dry and hang it up outside. Sigh. Got up reluctantly.

Now, we live in a very notorious area of Karachi - bad 'halaat' is like, common! Yet, as Mum and I were busily hanging up the washing, we heard a LOUD volley of gunfire. Seemed to come from just outside our house. It was THIS close. Aao daikhaa na taao (dunno how to translate that in English), Mum left everything as it is, and rushed inside the house, me on her heels. Then hurriedly closed the gate. We ran out of pure fear :D... (heheheheeh, it was such a sight!). And I was like, bullet abhi lagi, tabhi lagi and the last thing I have done in my life is listened to that song! (I'm negative that way :P).

So Hilary Duff, or no Hilary Duff - I have hurriedly switched it off, and vowed never to hear it again **grinning**

Not to mention, that me and Mum finally had the courage to tiptoe outside in the front yard (now), hurry up with the washing and when came inside only to find the cat inside the house who had hurried inside with us when we had rushed in from the back-yard. There was another flurry (thank God mum didn't scream ! And neither did I!) and I opened the back-yard's gate to let out the cat but she promptly hurried into the drawing room. :D:D:D Mum hushed and shushed, and finally it was out of the door. Breathless, we sat down and tried to get our breaths back after such an exhausting 'hanging up the washing to dry' :D - Boy, were we spooked!

Lesson? People are so very afraid of dying. Clinging to life is a pure instinct.. and we should remember that life can be extinguished in mili-seconds. Hence, we should always be prepared for our GDFE (Grand Departure From Earth).

The day's highlight was : GUESTS.

The first batch arrived in the afternoon.. and this family is basically my Mum's old neighbor's and we call them 'Khalas' and 'Maamoos' - they're THIS close MA. A more simple and down-to-earth people you can not find in this city, at least. Masha Allah multiplied by thousands! The family comprises an old lady (R nani), her two sons and their wives (my parents' age) and their kids. R Nani hadn't come today. When we asked why, we got a very alarming and SAD answer:

Me: Where is R Nani?\
Khala 1: She didn't come because she said she doesn't want to.
Me: HUH?
Khala 2: Beta, she is not in her senses naa.
Me: Kiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....
(Basically, a few months back we had visited their place and R Nani had talked to us so normally and all!! What had happened?)
Khala 1: Beta, teray ko to malum hay, woh hoti hay na 'Alzheimer' - usmain to yehee hota hay
Me: Omg :(
She: Yes, it's quite bad now. The condition's deteriorated a LOT.

Then they explained HOW the condition has deteriorated.

1. Every day, R nani gets up and fights with her daughters-in-law about 'why didn't you send me to school' ??
2. She doesn't know whether she is dressed or not.
3. She doesn't remember where the bathroom is.
4. She says "Pakistan bunn gaya? Yeh sub tukray karnay kee kia zaroorat thee?"
5. She demands to visit 'her mother' ... somebody who passed away a long time ago.
6. When told this, (point 5), she insists that she met her mom 'only yesterday' ..
7. She tells everybody that her folks 'beat me hard' and 'abuse me' ...
8. She says something, the family explains to her patiently why that thing isn't possible, and she nods. One second later, she repeats the same thing. The loop has no 'break'

Surah Yaseen:
36:68 If We grant long life to any, We cause him to be reversed in nature: Will they not then understand?

Waman nuAAammirhu nunakkis-hu fee alkhalqiafala yaAAqiloona
Her 'bahus' (daughters in law) are both managing the house and their kids, and looking after their MIL with such amazing care. They admitted that they do fall short in terms of temper (especially when R nani really refuses to listen to them) and there are ensuing arguments, but generally they said that it's their fardh to look after their MIL who needs their love and care so much at this stage of her life.

And this makes me think of all those people (very very religious people) who maintain this stance (very very strictly) that a woman is only responsible for her husband and her kids. And that's the only thing she is going to be asked for on the Day of Judgement. Like, it is said that if she wants a helper in the house, she has the right to ask for it, and if she says she's not going to cook/clean/do something for the in-laws (other than the hubby), then she has the right to it... but the question arises.. where is 'ehsaan' then??

I asked my Mom this today... and she had an instant answer :D.

Me: Mum, if women aren't required to look after the in-laws, is it really all right then, to er, refuse to do so and um, get some professional help/nurses etc?

Mum: When the Holy Prophet SAW noticed that the woman who threw rubbish/filth at him, didn't do so one day, he inquired about her and found out that she was ill. So he went and visited her. Do you think it was required of him to visit her?

Point taken .. :D

And highly highly agreed with. I mean, seriously, how can anybody sleep at night if they have given up on their own family - even if that family isn't related to them by blood!

One heart-wrenching story was told by Mum, when she and I were talking to those DILs of R Nani.

There was a lady who attended Mum's dars and she was highly upset etc. When people asked her what's wrong, she said that her mom-in-law had been very ill and that her jaith (husband's elder bro) was unmarried, and he was the one who looked after his mother. He literally did everything for her - nurse duties included (MA, what a son). Then, Allah ka karna yeh hua, that the son passed away. Now the ailing mom-in-law was left alone. She had other sons too.. one of which was this woman (who was telling the story)'s husband. So at this point, her husband decided to bring his mom to his own place, and have his wife look after her MIL. The wife at first was pretty okay with the deal, but then (in her own words) she was given a lot of 'mashwaray (advices)' from 'well-meaning' friends and family members. They warned her:

1. You have lil kids, how in hell are you going to look after an invalid?
2. You're not used to this, how are you going to handle this?
3. You have no idea what troubles you will face!
4. You should at least insist that the MIL should live with you guys for a while, then with other sons (take turns etc).
5. Etc...
(I am only noting these in point form because these are the general advices from 'well-meaning' people of society on various matters of life).

Khair, the lady decided then to listen to the well meaning friends/family and informed her hubby that she cannot take care of his mother, and the mother should live with other sons too etc ...

Since none of the sons (their wives primarily) was willing to take the responsibility, the ailing mother was sent off to Edhi's Home.

I can just weep at this story... And lemme tell you why. The lady who was sent off to Edhi Home, passed away exactly one week later. That's it. That's how long she had to live. Now the lady who was telling the story (ailing MIL's bahu) was in tears because she said that Allaah Had Tested me and I failed. And everybody consoled her, and told her that if you're genuinely sorry about it, then Allaah is All Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Insha Allah.

I can weep at the story, because I'm like.. how would the mom have felt, when she was being carted off to the Edhi Home? She wasn't 'child-less' .. she was just taken as some 'responsibility' nobody could shoulder, and her last week on this planet was spent in a strange place, away from home. Khudaya.. it's a blessing she didn't have long to endure this.

The lesson at least I can derive from these stories is.. that we're always going to face trials and tests in our lives that wouldn't 'technically' require us to strictly take responsibility for them. The test will actually be about the level of 'taqwah' that is inside us, which would enable us to take responsibility over those even for whom we wouldn't have to answer on the Day of Judgement. After all, we're not so perfect that we'll be standing there on that Day, very much at ease about our Aaa'maal and result. We'll need all the Mercy and Blessings we can GET. So what will help us in the long run .. The ehsaan we have done in our lives, stuff we have done without anybody asking us to... without anybody imposing it upon us ... with the stuff that is OPTIONAL for us to take up, stuff that will earn us the blessing and happiness of those we are OBLIGED to make happy and blessed.. etc.

Lastly, a very pertinent analogy which distinguishes between Muttaqin and Muhsineen:

Among the employees of a government may be some who scrupulously discharge the functions entrusted to them, doing nothing to which one can take exception, but who are not otherwise committed. Others, however, may be loyal, devoted and totally committed to the Government. They do not just carry out the duties that have been assigned to them but are always zealously concerned to promote the interests of the Government. They exert themselves beyond the call of duty, being perpared to sacrifice their lives, property and children in defence of their country. Any violation of the law hurts them personally, any sign of rebellion is enough to arouse them. Far from deliberately harming the Government they will spare no effort to support it. More than anything, they want to see their own Government paramount in the world and their flag high in all corners of the earth.

The first kind of people are Muttaqin of the Government and the other its Muhsiniin.


May Allaah SWT Enable us to be one of the Muhsineen, somebody who is willing to sacrifice their rights to make others happy and comfortable... Ameen!


Roshni said...

Alzheimer's a bitch =[

Roshni said...

ps. thankgod you're okay. Open firing is so dangerous!

Tazeen said...

That was really sad. About how a poor mother was sent to an old home and how another was ailing. =/ I know someone with Alzheimer's too so I can really empathize with that family and pray that Allah gives them patience and somehow cures R Nani too.

And I am glad you're okay! Stay safe!

Uni said...

True. I asked my mom whether there is any cause of it, but there is none. It's beyond sad, really.

And yeah, Alhamdulillah. We've gotten used to the firing. Just not when we're outside in the open :)

Thanks for dropping by!

Veryyy sad. I had a hard time believing somebody would send their own parent to an old home (here in Pak), but apparently, that is happening at an alarming frequency.

I don't think there is a cure for Alzheimer's yet.. :(.. but the ultimate Al-Shafi is Allah SWT so duaas can always turn things around. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah, we're all safe and sound.

Thanks so much for dropping by :)

majworld said...

nice post with lot of lessons to learn...its really sad nd surprising how people leave their parents..

Uni said...

Thanks! And it's really surprising for me too!

Thanks for dropping by!

Tauqeer said...

A very sad story indeed and a 'ugly' reflection of our 'modern' society.

Uni said...

It most surely is :(. But if there is one thing I have realized in life, it is that we cannot shape the society to what we think is right/correct - because everybody's just going to do what they want, and what THEY feel is right.

Thanks for dropping by!

Muhammad Azeem said...
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