Friday, January 28, 2011

Career, marriage, children: can women have it all?


A rather nice talk show, in which the question that is asked is: Can women really have it all? The pertinent questions in this talk are:
--> What is the definition of ''have it all'' ? Whose "have it all'' do we really aim for?
--> Is it true that all women will find fulfillment in a high-profile career and a good salary?
--> Is there something mistaken in the concept of ''women liberation'' and ''women rights'' ?
--> Has ''gender equality'' actually liberated a woman or pressured her more?

and more.. !

My take on the issue is this: Women should carefully assess their circumstances, and then make decisions. Making sweeping plans about either hi-fi careers, or anything else really ... makes no sense. One doesn't know what's coming the next day. So its best to be prepared for everything...

Like, the best bet would be to concentrate on a nice education - so much so, that you can easily work if its necessary. If its not necessary (financially), and you don't feel like working, Islam has put no obligation on you to work.

But if you feel like working, and have a family, then obviously, family comes first and the work comes second... It makes no sense to have babies, only to put them hurriedly away in day care centers, (or day care centers of corporations), to be looked after by ''nannies'' - and work full day and come home hassled and worn out, facing even more worries about the home and of course, kids!!

I know this lady, who I rather admired, for her ambition. She was heck ambitious, and was teaching and all. Then she got married and had a kid. The kid totally changed her outlook... She left work, looked after the lil cutie, and then er, dunno what happened to her thinking.. somehow, she went all ambitious again!

So now the situation with her is, that the kids (there are two of them now, and the youngest doesn't go to school yet) are looked after by the loving dadi, and the mum goes for work, and THEN goes for MPhil classes.. :S. Comes back at 10 or so...and when the kids run to her and all, she becomes impatient and obviously the kids then run away!!

:S:S ... I am sooo sad at this scenario. Considering they're a pretty well to do family (agar majboori hoti, to I would have understood, her leaving the kids). It's surprising really, what ''intellect'' does to you sometimes.

And I really believe its our totally mirrored-upon-secular-ideology societies ... hell bent on imitating the West, which has pressured some (not all) women to work, when its really not needed, and esp. when they have small kids. Only! ONLY to escape the comments by people (and society in general) such as ,

"Oh you stay at home??"
"Oh, you do nothing!!??"
"Oh lucky you! You dont do anything. You just stay at home!"
"Oh you don't have to do anything, MA you're just at home"
"Oh you're faarigh these days naa, you're at home!"

Sometimes. I think I'd like to see such people (who comment this way) sit at home, and realize how ''faarigh'' they get.


majworld said...

waisay the way the things r moving, in coming times it seems, men wud be staying at home instead of women :p..

Nikki. said...

hahaha @Awaies there still are many societies in the world where Men are doing the household and Women do the work, Philippines for instance ;)

Uni said...

:D.. thats funny... (and even more funny if it actually happens!!). But yeah, Ive heard of the term house-husband. Let's hope this doesn't become commonplace :S

Weird... thats all I can say.

Thanks both for dropping by.

majworld said...

i hve heard that it happens in rural sindh side too dat women work and men don't..dun knw its true or not..never knew abt philpines ya, hope such situation never gets common :)

Uni said...

Rarely hee hota hoga.. if it does happen..

Dawson said...

Its crazy, really. Bringing up a kid is such a big responsibility and an equally tough job...
Hats off to the mommies who know the prerequisites and carry out their job perfectly!!

And yes, that sort of thing, where the ladies of the house word and men take care of the house does happen, even in Karachi (some of the housemaids being a prime example) but those scenarios are often unappreciable because the men opt for doing nothing and don't really take care of the kids as such.

Dawson said...


Uni said...

:) great to find more people (in the modern age) who think this way.

And the domestic servants' example is true. Although their husbands (if they're not working themselves), are just lounging around the house, and wasting time. They're not being house husbands !! (the house husband concept is a lil different!)

So yeah, they cannot be appreciated of course!

Thanks for the comment :)

Tazeen said...

I think a woman should forget about her career (unless it is important for her to support the family because the needs are not being met) and take care of the kids. I don't know why some people can't see it but it's a such a pleasure to watch a child grow up before your eyes knowing that you have played a major role in his/her upbringing.

Whoa. Did I sound like an old woman?

But really,the children must come first. A woman can always go back to work after the kids have grown up a bit - or if she really really wants to work, she could work from home, if that's manageable because "staying at home" is a job tougher than what the work at the office is. Well, that's what I think. :)

Uni said...

Spoken like a true woman :D:D

And yeah, MANY people can't see it.. and not only that, they tend to ridicule those who make this choice, and spend the whole of their time, bringing him/her up and tarbiyyah.

:D.. no, not at all!

Working from home is the coolest thing that has happened in this age :D

[but it has totally made the LAPTOP, the no.1 enemy of toddlers!]

Thanks for dropping by!