Friday, September 10, 2010

Of Tears, Desperation and Duaas


The past few days have been nothing short of a nightmare. Only that it's real. And staring at us in the face. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine a time like this, but it has really truly happened.

My mum's first cousin (S Mamu) has been a pretty cool Uncle for me as far as I can remember my childhood days. He is the ''fun'' type of an adult, and the special thing about him is that when I went to Ireland, his house is where I stayed in for two weeks, and enjoyed every second of it! This mamu of mine, despite having a real tough job schedule, had driven me and the whole family to Portsmouth, an exceptionally clean beach somewhere in Ireland and I have amazing memories of the time. He's the one who dropped me off at the airport really early in the morning and managed so much of many of my travel-related issues - I was an idiot then, and he was there for me. This part is, by the way, 8 years ago. His youngest kid was born 2 years later (after I visited) and she is now 6 years old MA.. :'(

Earlier this year: 
We received the strange piece of news, that S Mamu has to go for surgery. Surgery??? We stared in astonishment and shock at each other. When one is so far away, and so vibrant, you're bound to feel exceptionally sad and hairaan at this turn of events. Why would he need surgery? Nothing was explicitly told to us, except that it's got something to do with the brain, and the surgery is a loong one. Being in the dark was worse. I remember the days when mum used to visit their house in karachi, where his mum and dad (poor them!) were sitting and praying for their son. Their mum and dad (nani and nana) are two of the most patient beings Ive ever seen, Alhamdulillah. They used to just control their tears, and keep on praying. The surgery duration stretched out, mum was there, she told us all later how tough that time was, and how they had prayed so very hard for the operation that was going on in the UK.

The surgery was successful! We all breathed a sigh of relief ... and figured, that whatever it is, will get better IA. Little did we know the enormity of the situation. The news was that he is doing better after the surgery.

What happened next:
We heard the terrifying news that S Mamu also had to undergo radiotherapy. What!! After the surgery!? What's going on! .. was our reaction. We didn't know anything, because nothing was explicitly conveyed to us. Dad said ''hey, you know it sounds like cancer only"... We denied it completely. Cancer, and brain, and S Mamu don't go together. Khair, he underwent radiotherapy for a few weeks. This was April 2010. The news was that he's doing well after the radiotherapy.

A while back: 
A couple of months back, we got to know that nani and nana were going to the UK. Now, nana is the adventurous type, but you can't get my nani out of the house for anything! And she was willing to go to the UK!? Man! Something was definitely wrong. This was mid June, 2010. We kept in touch with nani and nana, and found that ''he's doing better, but getting weak" - ''Oh just give him loads of good food!" was the typical reaction. Little did we know!

In end of July, we began to receive negative news. S Mamu could only move about in a wheelchair, and had to be taken care of, and my F Mami was doing all the caring business. MA. (May Allah Reward her abundantly, I'll tell you something about her nature a lil later IA). And he couldn't speak clearly. Another shock. Couldn't speak clearly? What in hell was wrong?

Around two weeks back, mum had a chat with nani who said that S Mamu's left side doesn't move. See, the gradual decline - note the increasing negativity. Still convinced, that this is all medicinal side-effects, we assured nani/nana that everything is ultimately going to be okay. Little did we know.

On Sunday, I got the glad text from my cousin ''Chacha and everybody are coming to Pakistan tomorrow" ... !!! Man, you should have seen my excitement. It could have only meant one thing .. that he was allowed to travel! If a person is allowed to travel, that MEANS that he/she is wayy better than we were conjuring up in our brains. I was soo relieved! Little did I know... :'(.

When they landed, my mum called up nani immediately (btw, she wasn't excited like me, she was having very negative thoughts. I thought she was getting extra paranoid, this was an occasion to jump for joy!). And after that talk with nani, I saw my mum crying. "WHAT'S WRONG" - I yelled.
And the answer was, the worst thing I could have ever ever thought about this particular mamu of mine.

The UK doctors have given up. They only gave permission to travel to Pakistan, because my nani gave her signature that she wouldn't sue if something happens on the plane! And he was bought in an air-ambulance... and he isn't even conscious!!!!!!!!

Now, what could we have done. Me, dad and mum morosely went to visit. Poor S Mamu... lying like that. Breathing with soooo much difficulty.... not able to move an inch! And it was a torture to see my nana. Nani is pretty saabir. Nana is impatient. He would again and again, come to nani and demand ''Yeh meray S ko kia hogya hay''' - again and again he would go to S mamu, stroke his face and talk to him.... God, I don't think I can go on describing the scenes at that house which I saw on Monday afternoon.

Monday was 27th Shab (odd night of last ten days of Ramadan) - so that night was spent in duaa (prayers) for only one thing: that Allah (SWT) somehow Does a miracle, and saves S Mamu's life... even if everybody seems to have given up, I don't think one should lose hope in the fact that some degenerated brain tissue CAN be regenerated by the Creator. Miracles are possible right.? *sniffles*

Monday was also the day I had my 3rd meeting with my supervisor, and I had been so excited about so many things. Every particle of happiness I had felt in the morning, just evaporated, when I saw my lively mamu, lying there so helplessly and not able to do a thing.

So what had really happened: 
1. It started with heavy-head-ness, which everybody thought was due to sitting in front of the PC for long hours.
2. Then there were incidents of loss of balance, and blurry vision (chakkar ana)
3. Docs recommended medicine, - no effect.
4. Docs recommended scans, that showed the lump.
5. The lump had already advanced to stage FOUR.
6. The surgery was held - 95% lump removed.
7. The remaining 5% was tackled by radiation.
8. Mamu was pretty okay till then - talking, walking, no paralysis.. suntain jaain!
9. The medicine he was on, the docs ordered to stop it, completelely. Bad move. As soon as it was stopped, mamu experienced loss of mobility, which was mistakenly thought of by the family as ''weakness''
10. Doc appointment was a few weeks away - those weeks , S Mamu got worse.
11. Finally doc appointment came, and docs ''hurriedly prescribed the medicine again'' - but what was the use of that? The deed was done.
**disgusted with the UK medical system** (aur hum bethay gunn gaatay hain un kay).
12. The med was administered, mamu grew worse, left side paralysed.
13. Situation didn't improve - speech affected, what not (and rem, all this is coming after the much-blamed tumour was removed!).
14. So finally, the day came when F mami was told very frankly ''We're afraid, he has just a few weeks more to live'' ... [I dunno how I'm writing this whole thing... it's so beyond horrible]
15. 3 days later to point 14, mamu went into a ''no-response stage'' - nani and nana who were still there, made a HUGE and quick decision to move immediately to Pakistan.
16. Docs raised a fuss - but nani signed, and relieved them of any sueness (although I beg to differ. I think there should be a very solid case on how they bungled up the follow up treatement of S mamu, and this is a clear case of negligence!)
17. 4 days later, massive packing (and donating the rest!) later, they all came back to Pakistan.

This is the story I wanted to share, for a particular reason. That you dear readers, wherever you are, say a short duaĆ” for S Mamu, who is lying there helplessly, unable to communicate a single thing that may be happening to him. That he might recover (somehow), and be a source of joy to his family, especially his 6 year old doll of a daughter. Ameen.

F mami:
When I met her back in 2002, she was such a shy, quiet type of a lady who was hesitent about adapting to UK life, and dealing with the new accents, new laws, driving license stuff and the like. And now, MA she has gained such confidence and patience that the whole medical trauma was being dealt with by her and her alone. Doctor appointments, driving long distance to the hospital, administering medicines and what not. May Allah Reward her for the work she did.

Today we went to their place, and S mamu was actually LOOKING at his dad :D. And, when my dad asked him to move his right leg (to indicate that he was hearing us, and knew what we were saying), he moved it slightly! So MA, these cues are so precious to us. May they become full fledged movement and may he speak soon Ameen!

Thank you for reading this far. The past days were horrendous, may we emerge from our trials with success and enriched eemaan, Ameen.

This Eid will be very very sad... 


N.A. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
N.A. said...

Just said a prayer in my heart for him. May Allah accept it and grant him "shifa e kaamila, aajila o mustamirra" aameen!

Uni said...

JazakAllah soo very much... every duaĆ” counts here. Ameen to the dua as well.

It would be a miracle, really. But then again, duaa has the power to change fate. And I'm basing all my duas on that.

Thanks so much for dropping by!

Nikki. said...

Loads and Loads of Prayers for Mamu Jaan, May Allah Subhan Wa Ta Allah gives him Health, Happiness and his Precious Life InshAllah Ameen :)

Uni said...

JazakAllah so very much :)


majworld said...

Its a sad news Uni..May allah bless him with good health and a long healthy life. ameen. I pray all gets right for his family..

Uni said...

Yeah, pretty sad. Although he is responding a BIT, Allah ka shukkar. Every bit counts actually.

Thanks so much for the dua.