Saturday, June 19, 2010

Chotey Nana


The day started with some really sad news. Somebody who I was very highly acquainted with (without meeting him much, imagine), passed away this morning (Friday shabb) around 2 am. Inna lillahe wa inna ilaihe raajeoon. The story behind Chotey Nana is an interesting one and it has some great great lessons associated with it.

Well, my association with Chotey Nana was literally none (only my Dad knew the family pretty well since a long time). I got to know a little bit about him when I came to be friends with Andy, a really good friend of mine. The initial A Level days were simply full of fun and laughter, with a load of mention of many relatives of hers, and one of them was Chotey Nana, her nana's younger brother. It's a great big happy family MA, and this person was one of the jolliest additions to it.

Later on, I got to know even more about Chotey Nana because Andy happened to become his daughter-in-law ... :) and the times she used to describe her ''new'' (not really) family to me, there was always this special mention of her ''susr'' (dad in law) who was so much fun to be with and a joy to have around.

Around three weeks back, a rather sudden news came that Chotey Nana had a really high fever (106 !!), and he has been taken to the hospital, unconscious. Dad was involved in the whole treatment that followed. Poor Chotey Nana didn't come out of coma at all. He had had kidney failure and multiple complexities all added up. Now here's the lesson-learning bits. The doctors had advised very gently to the family that it really will be of no use to continue dialysis (he had been undergoing that since the renal failure), and it would be best if that treatment is stopped. My dad used to get calls from Chotey Nana's eldest son imploring how in the world could he take this kind of decision knowing that if it resulted in his father passing away or something, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

Imagine the aazmaish (trial) people. We can't even imagine this kind of trouble befalling our parents/family, and ooper say you have to make a choice that whether you'd like to cling to any hope available or trust the judgment of vastly experienced doctors. Sigh. My dad also advised them to opt out of dialysis for their dad and to let things run their course. He visited the hospital, saw Chotey Nana's condition, and was sad to inform them that it really will be of no earthly use to continue dialysis.

Chotey Nana has three sons. And all went extremely out of their way to give their father the best possible treatment and to make him as comfortable as they can possibly do so. This was so remarkable in days where we hear of parents being shoved into old homes and not taken care of in the least. Children who are abroad (and do have the choice and means to come back/visit), but they don't because they simply don't care. And many more examples. But these sons did a LOT, and Alhamdulillah, I believe Chotey Nana was blessed indeed to have such a good family and offspring. His one and only daughter, who happens to be married abroad was also able to come here and MA, she spent the last days here with her dad too. The daughter was able to console her mother and make her get through this extremely tough time. These children really did justice to this Ayah of the Holy Quran:

Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say:  My Lord! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood. (17:23)

Today when the news came in, I didn't know what to feel. Extreme sadness... or a kind of relief that Chotey Nana was finally out of the misery he was in. As Andy told me today, he was in a LOT of pain. And dialysis had been discontinued for three days now. So you can imagine the halat, no kidney working,,, and no dialysis either. :(:(

The scene at their house today was a really heart-wrenching one. I couldn't watch Choti Nani, really, she was so upset. But I couldn't help admiring her too, because even though she was burdened with the humongous loss, she was composed (not wailing and completely out of control, like I have seen many ladies on these days).

The whole family followed the Sunnah way of burial (which means no extra stuff like flowers/what not on the grave and pakki grave etc etc, everything was simple and without any extras).

May Allah Grant him a complete new slate wiped clean of all sins, for the intense pain he suffered here for more than 20 days. And may Allah Grant him a lovely place in Jannat ul Firdous, and amazing sabr to the whole family who chipped in and did their best to help out their parent - also, give special reward to the children of Chotey Nana who fulfilled their responsibility and were there for their father, when he needed them. Ameen. Please say Ameen to all who read this, so that the dua'a is prayed from your side too.

Finally, one Hadith that scares the living daylights out of me, and this is the basis on which I am ready to forget every goal/dream/PhD plans/blah I have ever had...

Abu Huraira reported Prophet Muhammad as saying: Let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust. It was said: God's Messenger, who is he? He said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (because he has been undutiful to them). (Muslim)

Take care people and take care of your parents. They're a treasure that we usually do take for granted.


Roshni said...

Inna Lillah he Wa Inna Ilehe Raje'oon.. Sorry to hear about your loss... He's in a better place right now =))

Nikki. said...

Inna Lillah he Wa Inna Ilehe Raje'oon.... Ameen at what you have prayed just above... It is indeed a very hard time for the family as well as the one in the immense pain... And its really hard for children to make such decisions, coz Im certain Choti Nani wouldnt be able to make such decisions .... =/
May his soul InshAllah rests in peace...

Uni said...

Thank you so much, and Insha Allah.

Very true. I personally am unable to imagine the pressure and pain associated with such kind of decision making. I hope Choti Nani has sabr soon Insha Allah.

Ameen to the dua.

Thanks both for dropping by and the prayers.

SAS said...

To Allah we belong and certainly to Him, we will return..
Its a stupid question but I was wondering that after the decision was made, and no dialysis done later, did he come out of comma?
In any case, May Allah give patience to his family and may his sins be wiped out and may he enter paradise..Ameen..

Uni said...

True. Ameen. As to your question, nopes he didn't. But the family reported that they could see that he was in a lot of pain.

:(. May Allah Help them all during these tough days, Ameen.

Anonymous said...

i can relate to the situation you mentioned..someone from my immediate family was also in a similar condition, the doctors had advised us not to continue the treatment anymore. It was a really hard time, they were telling us to lose all hope and wait for the day when the cancer does its job. We did all we could, but lost in the end.

Everything happens for a reason, and now we can just console ourselves by thinking that they are in a much better place. (': May God rest your chotay nana's soul in peace.

Uni said...

Thanks for the duaĆ” and Ameen to it. I sincerely hope and pray that your sabr/striving during the trial you suffered will become a source of immense blessings for all of you and your family Ameen.

It's unimaginable. Only those who go thorugh it can REALLY relate to it. I remember my grandmother suddenly went into coma... she had been really sick for days. We actually didn't take her to the hospital. Dad's decision. We created a hospital environment HERE.. :S:S... oxygen cylinder, suction ...what not. It was terrible :(. But the thing is that it lasted for like, 4 days.

Thanks for dropping by.

Anonymous said...

it lasted for like months at my place, whenever she used to get discharged from the hospital, our house was turned into another. It seriously is a great trial for the family , but what we ignore at times is the pain the victim of the disease might be going through.

such situations are truly a mystery, you dont even know what to pray for? pray that the person lives( and bears the pain ) or he/she gets out of misery (and dies) ?

Uni said...

It must have been so so hard :(. I can understand. But as I said, this must be a source of immense blessings of Allah, so maybe it was for the good. As for the dua confusion :S.. i think the dua in these cases should be Allah jo behtari main ho, woh hee karay.

[But whenever I pray this :).. I usually add hee behtar ho Allah mian. Ameen :)]

So kudos to you and your whole family for getting through this tough time and helping out. May Allah Reward you guys abundantly Ameen.