Tight transliteration :P

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سلام

یہ سوفٹویر بہت کول ہے

مجھے بہت مزہ آرہا ہے !! آج کا دن کافی سٹوپڈ گزرا. کل رات میں نے سونے میں بہت دیر لگا دی تھی- جیففرے آرچر کی کتابیں ھوتی ہی ایسی ہیں !! چار بجے جاکر کچھ خیال آیا ): ..

سو وقت آج بھی گزر گیا اور میرا لکچر ویسا کے ویسا ہی پڑا ہوا ہے ):

اچھا بس بہت ہوگیا -

خدا حافظ

Day II -- :o)

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I don't really know why I'm writing this. Perhaps I feel that the memory of today is going to dafe in the craziness of tomorrow ... ( I meant fade back there -- too tired to delete :P). So I'm going to try and brief the trusted blog about today. (Technically, yesterday :))

Acha. So what happened was that I was so anxious about reaching on time, that I was at the university at 5.15 pm !! (classes start at 6!) -- the reason behind this peculiarity was that I had to come in a rickshaw, and had anticipated that the journey will take more than an hour (since it had taken me and my baboonish driving an hour to drive to university).

But I don't know, the route that rickshaw wala took !! I mean, I did stare at the roads with all my concentration! But he took dunno which shortcuts, and we were there in 45 mins. Um, the fact that I couldn't decide what to hold on more tightly for dear life (my notebook, my bag, pocket Quran, or ..erm ..myself) in the rickshaw -- might have disrupted my concentration a bit :P

SO I was early. The common room hadn't opened. Debating whether to go to the library or not, I was greeted by a friend who had her class too that day, and she took me to the staff centre, and explained that the MS kids are allowed in here..! That was soooooo cool! I mean, I wished I were a staff member..! comfy sofas, huge room.. waiters to serve you!! What more could a faculty member want!

:-)

So class began at exact 6.00 pm. The teacher was a small cute dapper little man, quite quite old, very senior member of the faculty, very intelligent member of the faculty (one couldn't believe how old he was, he was that quick with variables :S)... etc. I had seen him before, but this was my first experience being taught by him. He started well. The only problem I faced was that I couldn't catch his words very properly.. (he has a distinct style of speaking).. so it was kinda hard to make out what he was saying. Staring intently at his face, did help, but then, the note-taking business got hindered.

I actually enjoyed the lesson :):) It was all the stuff I hadn't done in undergrad.. But the way he was teaching it, I nearly understood everything. It was a bit off-putting when one classmate remarked 'Oh we have done nearly all of the syllabus!' -- :S:S:S
But then, it was equally rewarding, when at one point in time, I was the one who explained to them the problem that was being solved on the board.

Now it all sounds very happy dappy :P

But it wasn't.

You see, at the end of the class, some students had stayed back to ask the teacher some stuff. I had lingered back too (because I hadn't understood something as well and had just given up on it cuz it was too saturating after three hours!)... so I listened carefully, trying to resolve my problems with that particular equation...

Teacher turns to me and asks: Are you from another university?
Me: Erm ..no Sir. I'm from here only..
Teacher: So you're from which department?
Me: I'm from Dept L
Him: Oh, so you haven't done LDST II right?
Me: Er, actually Sir, we haven't done LDST 1 as well
Him: You HAVEN'T!!!!!!!!!!?
Me: No sir
Him: So you DONT know K-maps
Me: Just the basics sir, as I said, we haven't done before
Him: Sequential machine design !!!
Me: Which design?
Him: SEQUENTIAL MACHINE
Me: *blinking* ..No Sir..
Him: Finite state machines ...(nearly hyperventiliating)
Me: Er .. no not really Sir
Him: NOTHING?
Me: No Sir, just the basics
Him: So how are you going to do this course!??
Me: I'm going to try my best to cover....... *cut off*
Him: You know.. that's why...THAT's WHY I had made such an objection to an "L" student's admission in this course. I knew that it can't happen. It can't ever happen!
Me: **stunned into silence**
(couldn't say a word -- just stared -- I couldn't believe anybody would say that, right at my face -- the two students who had stayed back were staring avidly)

Him: When you haven't done the basics at undergraduate level, how are you going to expect to do this thing in the course here?
Turning to students -- Him: Did you see that!
Student 1 (who I had rather admired because she had managed to even pick out mistakes in what the teacher had written on the board) : Sir, how is she going to do architecture? Architecture is all based on LDST...
Me: (thinking) : Hello, people. I'm still in the room you know..

Student 1 (to the teacher): I don't know why they granted admission to this student. When they haven't done anything like this ...
Me: *stunned for the second time into silence*
Teacher: I have no idea.. I don't know what were they thinking. (turns to me): You have to take a lot of help. Ask them (points to the two students) what books to refer. You have to revise a lot.
Me: *nodds** .. **all excitement, khushi of the day gone**... Sure Sir.

Class dismissed.

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What I don't want my blog posts to be :) is... rant about my own self. I want it to be a lesson for all those who try to "follow their heart" .. :P

Point is, that I could have easily chosen the parent field (the one in which I did my undergrad from).. but I knew one thing. I would have been miserable. Probability is so NOT my thing.. :). If I had narrowed my field even more, what new things would I have learnt?

At least the verification done today .. of pata nahi kis ka LAW.. was understood and done by pen on paper ... by me ..by myself. Plus explained by me, to two kids in the neighbourhood. What is it, if not a miniscule achievement of the day.

Yes, :D it got extinguished rather badly in the end. But at least... I enjoyed the lecture :)
I don't know many things in it. But I can learn. I can study extra for this thing.

And so can anybody, who wishes to follow their heart. The path isn't easy. That I can promise. People will make snooty comments :P (like the one when this supervisor says at my interview -- pata nahi yeh Ph.D kis main karaingee..(dunno in what field is she going to do her Ph.D) ..)

So .. follow your heart, and within the boundaries of reason, do not lose hope :).. If you enjoy something, very probably you will learn it. Otherwise, even learning becomes tedious ..something that you've GOT to do. And believe me, that's the most unfortunate thing that can happen in scientific education.

So long :)

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The day

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So the day had started apprehensively enough. I was nervous only about the "fitting-in" phenomenon. Google Maps helped me out quite a bit. Having stared at Wikipedia and Google Maps, I was outside the building where I work by 5 pm. The walk to parking, and the people to "take out the car" phenomenon took 6 minutes. I was cursing my luck from then only.

Away I sped. Yes. Drove like a complete baboon. I HAD to get to university on time. What I hadn't anticipated:

1. Rush -- traffic jams -- an area where construction was taking place, it was a mad house. Moenjodaro type roads. Terrible. That hour was one of the worst I'd ever spent. But....I'm going to remain quiet about. The only "being" that gets to hear these woes, is my trusted blog. So shhhhh.

Anyway, I finally reached university at five to 6.00 pm (6 pm classes start, and i had no idea where they were going to be held -- nothing had been specified anywhere, and :D its so "taken for granted" that everybody will somehow KNOW where they have to go. So away I blundered. It was 6.05 pm now. And i had heard of this particular department's ... umm, thoroughness and punctuality. So I was kinda worried.

Reached a room where people were being herded in. Asked the man "Is this Section XYZ, subject XYZ" ? He nodds his head vigorously, and urges me to go inside. I hurry inside -- I'm late (duh), everybody turns to look. I shuffle to the very inside of the 2^nd row, and sit down. The teacher stares, but doesn’t say anything. I look at the black board. There, clearly spelled out is the subject’s name : “Subject ABC” .. I was confused. But decided to stick around (I was recalling the man’s confidence outside). Several minutes pass by. The whispering girls behind me, finally nudge me, and ask “Are you new here?” ... I nod, very self consciously. They said (trying to hide their smiles) “So you have to go to the LAB, you have Subject XYZ now, don’t you?”...

I was like, WHAT! Great ! I jumped up, shuffled all the way out that row (which involves people glaring and picking up their legs to shift and make room for you), and under the glare of even the teacher, I rush out into the corridors. Sigh. Of course I was sadly late. Got to the right room though. The class had just begun.

Man, I was impressed. I’m SO not used to people teaching from slides (and REALLY teaching), and people who really really KNOW their stuff. :) That’s the only silver lining in today’s miserable day waisay. He’s a superb teacher. And taught well. So why do I call the whole thing miserable.

Well.. what other thing i hadn’t anticipated:

2. Teacher is going to use those words, phrases, examples a gazillion times, which even my angels haven’t heard of... I have no clue how they even SPELL. And worse, the class was so IN TUNE to them, that they even recalled specific incidents related to those examples/words/phrases...

Can you imagine that!

I mean... **fists clenched**... if I were a teacher, (what a day that would be), I would design my course plan in SUCH a way, that it would not refer to something UNLESS I have explained the basics of that something. If my class consists of people from different backgrounds, that is. Never would I put any student in silent torture, just because they don’t get simple things which were supposed to be done in nursery.

I remember taking online lectures for something, and in all the lectures, no teacher referred to something new, without an explanation, or chalo a reference from where students can find out more.

So *sadly* .. anyway, I refrained from asking any stupid question. My notebook (ahh the brand new notebook) is now riddled with words, which I have put a question mark against. Only to be googled later, and will strive and try my best to understand them. Self study here we come.

Undergraduate was different. We all were at the same level. All of us knew what the teacher was referring to when they talked about “yeh to ap nay 3^rd year main kia hoga! (you must have done this in third year)” ...Even if we didn’t recall the particular explanation, we, at least, had HEARD of those words and phrases.

The silver lining in the lecture was simply that the teacher is really really sincere in this (my first impression).... He knows his stuff, and teaches well. I couldn’t wish for more...really. [it’s me whose the dunce here, so have to work hard on that...I KNOW]....But it doesn’t stop me from sadly looking back .. at the first day of postgraduate studies.

Can't wait for the five-week Ramadan holidays. :S

Apprehensive

So nearly one hour from now on, I'll be setting out ... the journey from "Work" to "University" ...a journey I'm not quite sure of (I mean, the directions), but it's something I chose to keep quiet about. Uh, you see, if I make too much noise about the long distances (it's one hour from home to work, one hour from work to university), then I'll get the

1. Smirk

2. "I told you so" strings

3. "Foran job choro" (Leave work immediately)

4. You get the picture

So here I am, nervous as hell. [yeah, it's idiotic, but I can't help it, it's just me]. I'm the 'underdog' here.. as Younis Khan loves saying :):):)

Underdog in the sense, that the postgraduate field is different from the undergraduate one. I had hoped for some more daredevils along with me ... more classmates I mean. [koi to hota jannay wala]. But somehow, everybody dropped out. And went to the undergrad field. Sigh. That sucks.

So as I said, here I am, nervous as hell, knowing nobody, and thinking about competing with a bunch of very confident people in a different department, and knowing nearly nothing about the courses I am about to be taught.

Staring at Wikipedia didn't help. I know I don't know it.

God Help me.

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Of hard work, nobility, and gratitude :)

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So today was supposed to be my first day of MS studies...

:P ...underline "supposed to be"...

Allah ka karna yeh hua... that I was placed in Section B..and section A's classes start today.. Section B has to go on Wed and Fri (no not confirmed--but at least not today :D:D:D)

Man was I happy!.. After painstakingly taking out a brand new notebook, getting my netbook ready, pencil box readied (yeah, sure...roll your eyes)... etcetera..

I was quite excited and apprehensive about it waisay. But then, when one looks at a day that starts from 9.00 am and doesn't end at 5 pm, instead, starts afresh at 6 pm and ends at 9 pm.... one can only.... clear the throat and wish for things to just go smoothly... no matter how impossible it seems.

Anyway.. so that was the story about MS.

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I did something noble today... **angelically**..

This adorable kid came over to our place... said "Assalamualaikum" in the most jovial style you can imagine on a 2 year old. Then recited dua'as and stuff...said JazakAllah instead of thank you :D:D... Man..!

I went straight to the fridge, got out a Twix from the packet that had been given to Chotpo as a gift today (which is mine by the way:S:S)... and went and gave it to her! (along with choco pops and two Sooper biscuits) :P

I mean...usually Mum has to wrestle this stuff out of me (twix haan...I somehow... adore that chocolate).. And today ...I did it by myself. .. **chokes with pride**

hee hee


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So have you ever received a gift, an e-mail, or anything really, which you can see that somebody has spent QUITE a lot of TIME at? ..

I have.

And it was humbling. There have been times when I just can't imagine anybody going out of their way to explain their "points of view".... and people do. It's extremely humbling...and of course, I'm honoured whenever that happens.

Today I received something just like that... kehnay ko to it was just an MS Word file...but it contained a lot. 14 pages ain't something small. Overwhelming.

Something that really made me smile today :):)


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The journey back home was beyond beyond tiring. Basically, there was a trafiic jam throughout Karachi. And it sucked.... big time. Hitting the brake pedal, the clutch and the accelerator ...(with varying intensities) isn't easy on the footies! And today was no exception.

I stopped at a gas station (Darn me for being lazy and not filling up gas in the morning -- when I WAS fresh). So I waited and waited and waited. The line was long, and it was toooooooo slow. I cursed myself again and again.. The air conditioner was on. It was sweltering.

So teis was one of those petrol/gas stations where a man is dedicated to wiping off the car windows and windshield during the time it is waiting for the gas to be filled. This man.. I don't know .. HOW he got the motivation.. i saw him wiping three cars before mine. And i didn't see even an IOTA of variation in his earnest-ness... to make the glass as shiny, as if the window is open! It was THAT good. Sigh. May Allah Grant us the ability to work with this much honesty. Halankeh daikha jayy to its one of the most boring and monotonous jobs on the planet.

(I even watched him closely to see whether he gets paid for this or not..but only one man paid him a tip. Not all). I learned something from him today. Definitely.


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Need I mention that on the way AND back, I sung along to "Ayy Jazba Junoon" ?? (one of the two Urdu songs I CAN sing along to..-- the other one is Dil Dil Pakistan :D)

All the radio shows carried the same tone .. jubilancy...mixed with gratitude for the win yesterday. Pakistan...... ZINDABAD!

So long :):):)

I can't decide the title!!!

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Managers:

I wonder how they do it. Minute after minute they receive calls and pop-ins of people from the office, who rely on them -- depend on them, for the go-aheads. Like, they have to make decisions by the second. Isn't it like impossible? Or at the least, hard? To make rapid-fire quick-brained, sure-of-themselves decisions?

Housewives:

Quite a comparison with the above, I know. But them too. Their entire families' meal depends upon what they choose from the kitchen rack that day -- or what they decide to buy from the "sabzi-wala" ... (vegetable vendor)... that day! The meal's success depends on what amounts they choose to put in from the spices bottles... it's profoundly gratifying to realise this actually...

And profoundly ... perplexing as well.

How do they do it? How are they so ... sure that yes, this is what is to be done. This is the right decision. This will get the right outcome...

We don't see managers (majority) blundering out on important decisions... nobody does that! We don't see mums (majority again), blundering about on their house duties.. :S:S Nothing like that happens...Are they supplied with some super skills? Where do these grow?

Can't I grab a handful of them?

If only...

Disclaimer : Ranty -- won't make much sense

If I could only count
The number of times
I swallowed the lump in my throat today

If I could only count
The number of tears
I blinked back today

If I could only count
The number of times
I consoled myself today

If I could only count
The number of times
My laughter was faked today

This is getting a lil tiring
So what if my laughter was faked
All these number of times
What difference does it make

Copyright Uni Abruptly-poem-endaloony 2009

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I really should...

No matter what it takes

No matter how high the stakes

I should...

I really should...

No matter how hard it seems

However important I deem

I should...

I really should...

Whatever is happening at the time

Breaking news, top stories, grapevine

I should...

I really should...

However enticing the story is

Beckoning me to pay attention to it

I should...

I really should...

Even if a hot debate is on-going

Whatever ..I'm involved in doing

I should...

I really should...

.

.

.

Sleep earlier at night.

Copyright Uni Yawning-Wideloony

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Of mentalities .. and the jazba to shun them

Jazba = passion

The conversation with her (a complete stranger) went like this:

Me: Assalamualaikum
Her: Walaikumasalam

Me: What's your name?
Her: Hanana

Me: You're from Afghanistan?
Her: Yes I am

Me: Where in Afghanistan. Kabul?
She: Ohh .. no my parents came from Afghanistan. I was born in Karachi.

Me: Nice! So do you know Pashto?
*a little disbelieving silence*
Her: Of course! (in a voice that suggested : Do cats meaow??!??!?!!?)

Me (achay say embarassed now): You know, I don't know Pashto
*a snort from Chotpo behind me -- as she remarked "Kia infromation dee hay tum nay!"
Her: *laughing now*, yeah I know.

Me: Oh! Okay so do you study?
Her: No

Me: Er.. you don't?
Her: No. Aisay hee kaam chal jata hay nah (We make do without education)

Me: But...but... WHY?
Her: Meray ami abu ijazat nahi daitay (my parents don't give me permission)

Me: But...but...WHY?
Her: Um, aisay hee (just because!)

Me: So don't you WANT to study?
Her: *quietly* I would give anything to study. I certainly would.

Me: Oh !! So hey, listen up. Get some books. Give private exams, and there you go -- you're done!
Her: Ummmm

Me: Uh, you do know how to read haina?
Her: Of COURSE. I read digests

Me (aur achay say embarassed): Er, so see. Get some books. Do your matric privately. Then get Intermediate syllabi, and the books. Do your intermediate. Then get university books. Register yourself as a private candidate. Then you're graduated too!

Her: *after another little disbelieving silence* : Yeh sub kuch aik din main to nahi honay wala jaisay aap keh rahi ho! (this ain't happening in one day sister, the way you're talking!)

Me: *feebly* .. It's a start isn't it! Think big!
Her: Chalain..koshish karoongi. (Okay. I will try my best)

Me: Do that haan! You can study too! No big deal!
She: *smiling* : Yeah. Thanks for the advice. I will try

I happily put down the phone. When dad came home, he said "This 16 year old pathan girl had come in to get her cousin checked out. She had remarked "I wish I were your daughter -- at least you could have gotten me educated!"

At that, my dad had dialed my mobile phone number, and given the phone to her saying .. "Here. Talk to my daughter"

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Lessons to be learned from this little incident:

1. I (and everybody out there reading this), am blessed a gazillion times, for having obtained education in my life.
2. If you're at home, that truly doesn't mean you're helpless. You can do a gazillion things.
3. Books are a person's best friends. The right kind of books. Do surround yourself with them, and read away -- every moment spent reading (good books) is a moment well spent.
4. Mentalities are hard to change. But there are ways to get around them. And this manipulation, dear readers, is welcome indeed. Of course, the aim/intention has to be good.

Just an inspirational quote to round the post up.. :)

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Simple things...

That can make me go "Awwwww"

1. A cheeky looking kid in the next car, suddenly flashing his teeth at you. You wave, and he looks astounded. Pummels his parent sitting next to him, points at you, and gawks. You smile. He immediately grins back and starts waving.

2. Someone who talks to you for a brief while and says "please" nineteen times -- yes, in that brief while.

3. Small children who ACTUALLY have red cheeks. Like, red. Colour.. yes.

4. Sisters who think up different ways and means JUST so that they can visit their mum's house once a week.

5. The word "Uni-Khala" ....

6. This picture:

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That can make me go "Aaarrghh"

1. The news every day.

2. My broadband connection - 4 times in a day (average).

3. The statement to me "You're sooo innocent and gullible."

4. Friends when they don't tell stuff that matters to them -- and tell other friends.

5. Manipulation... of any kind.

6. This picture:

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A day not so good... A soul quite misunderstood

Somehow, I don't exactly know the reason why -- when I am saddest, I turn to writing poetry. Mindless verses just come pouring out of me. I mean.. no prose. Just poetry. Weird beyond weird. So here goes... *sigh*

With great feeling
And anticipation
You face the day

The sun is scorching
But your good mood
Nothing can sway

Suddenly gloom dawns
Things begin to go wrong
Starting with... your day

Head heavy, eyes heavy
Struggling desperately
To concentrate

To add to that
You discover another bad
Hey whats this! You say

You're suddenly facing a choice
In your academic life
Where to go, which way?

As you try to decide
With stinging eyes
Discouraged, all the way

Our universities, bless them
Let them learn something from the west
And treat people, in a kinder way

Not yet recovered
You face yet another
Setback on the way

A task spent time on
Seemed difficult at first
But you did it - hurray!

What ultimately turned out
Was that your "working it out"
Apparently caused, hurt waves

It sucks when intentions
Are taken as injections
Of gloom and dismay

One can only mope
Maybe have some hope
Of finally making sense... someday.

Copyright Uni Misunderstoodoony 2009


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Selfish battles with selfless...

Without inspiration
And great aspirations
I sit
And stare

What my country has become
By the actions of some
I wonder
Who cares?

Men, women, children lie
Beneath the scorching blue sky
How, I think
Do they bear?

One bulb, a fan
A tent and lots of tan
What else?
Do they do there?

I wish I weren't so slack
Somehow, get them back
Change policies
Starting from... Buner?

I dream a dream
Of a government which would seem
Humble, intuitive
Yeah I know. Rare!

I go through my chores
With a heart heavy, sore
Thinking how,
Nothing, in life, is fair

Copyright Uni Gloomoony 2009
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