Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Of rays, and regrets


Now that the year is about to end "with a blast", I can sit down and reflect on the previous 365 days -- how they went by, what did I achieve, what I lost, etc. Umm.. overall, I would definitely not count this year as being anywhere as great as say.... 2002... or 2003-2004. Man.. those were the days! 2005 started my descent, 2006 was a leetle better, 2007 was again downhill, and 2008 hit rock bottom. Just when I thought you can't go below the bottom, it turns out that the earth has a big huge crust, and that's all "below the surface" this year, i was submerged somewhere below -- coming up briefly once, and then sinking again.

I'll talk about the good points first. Blessings should be counted on, rather than appended half-heartedly at the bottom of the list.

1. January 09 bought new hopes, a fresh start, new beginnings what not. We had freshly graduated, hopeful of finding suitable jobs etc. Alhamdulillah, I secured an interview and got a job which wasn't really related to pure engineering, but...erm.. I loved it.

2. The job began in this month. I was WAY apprehensive at first .. :) but it all sorted itself out Masha Allah and I really liked working there.

3. March marked further progress in learning at my workplace. I also made it to the interview stage of one of the top-ranked universities. That was definitely a cool moment :) [even though I was scared witless -- phone interviews :S:S! NOT my speciality]. But Alhamdulillah, I passed that stage too and got admission.

4. April marked my admission test to my home university :S It was an okay test. I had a comforting feeling at the back of my brain that hey, I'm not going to be staying here. No worries. Got my netbook too :D

5. May brought the glad tidings that I had secured a place in the home university, so MS was to begin from end of June.

6. MS began in June .. :) it was an exhausting experience. But er, I really enjoyed it. Was still hopeful for a scholarship.

7. July bought more work pressure and learning to deal with it.

8. August got me through the tough decision of leaving the job.. but I had done it for good reasons. So well.. :S

9. September was study break and Ramadan :) It was one of the best Ramadans ever! I learned SO much.. we had this taraweeh+tafseer thing at a nearby hall and went regularly... Alhamdulillah, it was a wonderful experience.

10. October marked the birth of a human being who ...solely through his existence, and harkatain (acts), can make me forget my woes in a split second, and make me smile. My bhanja was born on 17th Oct 2009 :):)...

11. November went by in a shadeed blur - helping out sis, taking care of the kiddo, etc etc... somehow managing studies as well. Semester ended :) and the fact that it wasn't all bad. It was better (and tougher...which is a good means I learn) than the other options I could have taken.

12. December is almost out the door. The month marked my exams... not great. But khair.. nobody much cares except my Dad. And speaking of Dad, lol... he and I have been embarking on missions now (remember i once complained that Dad and I dont spend any time together..? Well now we do). The mission is called "making sense of Linux" :D ...and its sooooooo funny I can't tell you.

Saying all these good things have made me reluctant to come to bad ones that happened this year. I'm going to make them short, and try to balance them out with the goods that came out of the bads :S

1. I never got any scholarship -- doesn't mean I never WILL... (I am still hopeful IA). Only my focus has now changed from MS to PhD. Hope it works out. Ameen.

2. I managed to hurt a lot of people through my actions. And suffered for it. -- but I did apologize, and vowed to myself not to act stupidly ever again.. (IA :S).

3. I was rude to people. Didn't intend it. But happened. -- asked for forgiveness from Allah :S and vowed to improve.

4. I have a load of regrets for loads of stuff. Too much honesty doesn't really get you anywhere. The person you should be 200% honest to is only yourself.

5. Me not getting a chance to go abroad -- I was devastated. But ... :P my sis was elated :D... and I would have (certainly) missed the birth of my bhanja, cuz classes start from October in most universities. So I didn't miss the precious time and helped out quite a bit :)

6. Many things I tried for... didn't work out. I am still hoping to see why they weren't good for me .. :) I sure do wish my dad wasn't so disappointed in me though.

It doesn't THAT bad now :D... (My blog archives helped me!). I guess 12 good things and 6 bad ones, do make it an overall okay year. Not too bad huh. The country's situation has deteriorated... and the corruption of our politicians hasn't surprised anybody... but disappointed and disillusioned a lot of countrymen. The NRO annulment was a ray of hope though. Wish there could be something done about that! Doctors' negligence has caused deaths and ailments that were not supposed to happen. The Karachi 10 Muharram blast has taken away precious lives (some of them children) and caused an economic meltdown for thousands. People's livelihoods have been burnt crisp, and to nobody's surprise, the City Government pleads innocent, and the Tehreek-e-Taliban have claimed responsibility for the attacks. **rolls her eyes**... We get either more naive, or more stupid, as the days go by.

May Allah Help and Have Mercy on us all. Ameen and enable us to steadfastly and with patience, march on...


Ahmar said...

May Allah make this a very succesful and wonderful year for you, with loads of happiness and success..Ameen :)

Uni said...

Ameen. :) And same goes.

MAK said...

and u said it was seems to me one of the best year...especially after ur result...i think u have a habit of under-estimating u.....get this out of....MAY this year be better than all that had gone

Uni said...

I guess I was feeling pretty low at the time of writing .. but :D .. those good points convinced me otherwise.

Er, its called being realistic :P

Thanks for the comment :)