Thunder

Salaam

Today has been one interesting day; the kind of day which you plan wayy ahead, and turns out completely different from what you so meticulously planned.

I had such plans for today. Very efficiently, I had decided to work only on my project today, and nothing else in the morning, then in the evening I would study for the upcoming test on saturday.

Hah :)

What really happened was, that one: I got up late. Then, I lolled around for half an hour, lazily smsing Sis the Priss. Finally, I got up, made breakfast for mum and then wandered back into the room with a cup of tea, called up sis the priss, and chatted with her for like, 40 mins.

That done, at mum's yells, I finally put down the phone and went to eat breakfast with her. It was already 12.45 now. I had a load of sweeping-the-house to do, and then had to make rice, not to mention, had to wash the dirty breakfast dishes. All should be completed by 3.00 pm. Lots of time , I thought. I started on the dishes.

As I was doing that, my previous say previous maasi turned up, surely in the hope that we would hire her again, now that we were masi-less. SO I had to stay with them, listening to lots of meaningless talk, agreeing with them on a lot of issues, while mum cleared the table etc. Now I couldn't do sweeping in front of them for political reasons, hence I had to wait till 1.45 pm, till they were gone, to start that work.

Now, the scene is such, that I was sweeping, sweeping...making wider arcs with my arm, in the desperate hope to cover more ground...that the phone rang. Mum picked it up. Now I could hear her giving directions to someone to our home.

"Oh no! What now!" was my irritated thought..:( That's real bad i know, but I only felt that since there was so much to be done. No food was ready, we were out of mineral water, the only boiled water we had was one jug, and not even baraf (courtesy our electricity which chose not to appear throughout last night).

So now these guests (here from london on a family wedding) were coming over..in half an hour. I panicked!... Mum was the cool one (as always). She sent me upstairs to get ice and some jugs of water from our landlady. That done, I quickly finished up the remaining jharu jaldi jaldi...:) And after that, tried to make as good a "Limo Pani" as I could..

Er, I had no idea thirteen people would turn up. :) They were a jolly lot. Two mamus, their dad and mum, wives and kids. Cool no? They talked to mum while I frantically tried to fit in thirteen glasses with the LimoPani I had made.. of course it wasn't enough :) I had to make more..

Khair.. then we sat and talked.. Mum showed them the books they have worked on now (Vision series that integrates Islamic and history knowledge into day to day life -- an amazing piece of work if you ask me). All of them were SO interested! My mamus were like "You're doing Curriculum Islamization! That is great! And very much needed here in Pakistan"

I felt sad at that, cuz what he was saying was nothing but the truth.

The kids looked so tired, but as soon as we showed their dads the Vision books, they jumped at them eagerly. Each child grabbed a book and started reading. They had to be prised out of their hands, when their parents got up to leave :):)

I wish our children were also this MUCH into reading. That has to be worked upon! To inculcate the love of reading in a child.

Khair.. I showed them the London pictures :D.. they were much amused Actually asked me "Is that the real Queen?" (at my picture at Madam Tussauds) :D

Now, I am sitting here, listening to the sound of rain.. That was supposed to be my original blg post.. but I have rambled quite a lot about other things that happened today.

Yeah so in the evening, we had a thunderstorm and lightening etc. .. I was strongly reminded of this surah i read only recently: Surah Ra'ad. It says :

[13:12] He is the One who shows you the lightning as a source of fear, as well as hope, and He initiates the loaded clouds.

[13:13] The thunder praises His glory, and so do the angels, out of reverence for Him. He sends the lightning bolts, which strike in accordance with His will. Yet, they argue about GOD, though His power is awesome.

*sigh*. I hope we get enough sense to, actually FEEL His Might in the symbols all around us.. Usually we are so busy dancing in the rain that it doesn't really remind us of Allah and His Glorious Power...

May Allah Guide us all Ameen!

Anger....loathing....

Salaam

I have never been so ANGRY in my ENTIRE life. I HATE people who write in CAPS, but right now, there is so much HATRED inside of me, that I'm bound to let some of it out, in the MEANEST way possible.

It sucks that I can't confide in ANYBODY else. And that is ALSO my own damn fault! I give promises to people I have trouble keeping. They keep me awake at night. Problem is, that if I break those promises, and confide in anyone, the resulting guilt would keep me awake at night too.
It's a lose-lose situation! There is NO solution! NO respite! NO freedom! NO consolation.

Whatever I do, turns out to be a disaster. (Man...this is ONE whiny blog post).. Laikin it's all true. I'm hating my life right now. All my pending work is ...just that. Pending.

I am unable to concentrate! I hate being unable to concentrate? All my thoughts, feelings are running around wildly, at random (thats why this entry is so incoherent). I don't have the time to bring coherence into my life.

Everything is upside down, topsy turvy. And there is not even ONE person on this planet who understands. My only hope is in One Deity Who Understands everybody and thats why I turn only to prayers.

My mind pulls me in one direction, my conscience pulls me in another direction and my heart pulls me in the third direction. All three of them 120 degrees apart ! :(:(:( Divergent...away from each other. No "meeting together at any point."

I have a huge test coming up on saturday, another huge (and nasty) one on Monday! And i haven't even started studying (not even started, yeah).

You know.. I have seen one thing. Jiss cheez kee bunyaad hee galat ho, woh cheez kabhi pinap nahin sakti (something which has a wrong foundation, that something can never survive without problems).

My problems seem to be the result of such a foundation. I know I must sound like a rambly moron, laikin remember, I do wish I could elaborate more.

*miserable beyond words*

Today

I look around cocooned in misery
The walls closing in on me
I try to shrug it off
Alas....if only

My heart weighs me down
A lump in my throat always
I swallow my dread with great difficulty
Tears held firmly at bay

Im well and truly alone
Nobody on my side
Following the crowd, miserably
Just to save my hide?

It's hard to imagine
The life I once had
Kind of carefree, wasn't I
God..! Am i sad!

Weird notions in my head
Silly me, I know
But its so true, that you reap
Whatever you sow

I did make a mistake once
I have never regretted it more
Hurt, I sit and mope
There ain't no cure

I would love this time to pass
Just pass far away
i never want it to come back
Never want to feel this way again

The Big Dawat

Salaam

This was day before yesterday. We were getting ready for it since morning. Man ! Am I sick of dawats or WHAT. The only bright point was that it was Sis's dawat...which meant that she would be here..

*sigh*.

You know what bothered me the MOST that day? That Sis was .................................. a guest. She wasn't running around with ME. She wasn't getting the plates ready, the spoons dried, the bottles hastily chilled in the freezer, the bowls hurriedly washed, the guests seated, the constant vigilance to see whether each platter was suitably filled...............etc.

:(

It hurt to see her sitting in one place........to ask her to ...er, eat... Man. That sucked..

Khair, I was happy. Why...

Because she was sooooooooooo happy!! And trying desperately not to show it ..imagine. I have yet to see this many stars in somebody's eyes... *grins*. TB looked totally pleased too!!!

A SAPPY couple if I saw one....*wrinkles her nose*..

But khair... Ive concluded one thing ....

Marriage ain't that big a mess...y'know. :D

MM

Something interesting happened. Predictably, I was awake till 4.00 am last night. Doing what???

Here's the background to what I was doing.

When I was in grade school, I was something like a "friend for all" .. and didn't have any special friend. I just couldn't find anybody...er, naughty enough.

Until I met MM.

One swet chubby lil girl, with so much naughtiness in her eyes, that I was kinda, innocent as compared to her. She wasn't afraid of teachers, she used to get double the scolding I did. Her parents were as troubled about her behavior as mine were, and obviously, I liked her at once. This is class 1 by the way.

We sat together, gabbled together, and did all tricks together. The best part was.. she somehow managed to get great grades..! Without studying too much. I was a bit behind, but nevertheless, studies was no problem at all for us.

The common part with us was ..that both parents were docs and we both wanted to be docs in the future. This went on till class VI. Later than that, she left.

I felt pretty sad when she moved away. She went to Canada. And we never communicated after that. Since we both didn't have email address at that time. Later, I searched for her a lot..and one fine day. I did find her name in some canadian university listing, but never got any contact details. Recently, (few days back), I thought of searching her name in facebook...and lo and behold. I found her.

12 years later.....

I was chatting to her, for the first time after 12 years last night.. So it's obvious why I was up till 4.00am.

She's changed. Man.. she's become quite model like. Same face, only longer. Same naughtiness ( I could sense that in her chat). She is still becoming a doctor. Only, in Canada, it will take her 8 more years..

We talked and talked and talked. Those 12 years evaporated in an instant. I didn't feel at all keh itna waqt guzer gya hay ! Obviously we've changed. But there we were, chatting away, just like old times.

I felt very happy :)! Thanks to Allah I have a friend still, like her. Who is still a daredevil..:) Only, a daredevil with principles... and who constantly gave me examples that reminded me what a blessed person I am :)

Thanks MM!

PS: Sigh. She also thought Ive changed completely. She said " I wouldn't recognize you on the roads, if i ever saw you" :D

The Day of Tearful Departure

Assalamualaikum!

There is so much happening in so few days! Meaning, the ratio of events is to minutes is well above 1 !! And that's like, a lot!

I wanted to talk about the wedding that took place. I mentioned the valima but not the wedding itself :). So hua kuch yoon keh the day (saturday) started late again. But I wasn't disappointed.
Because I knew what a load has to be done and endured, and hence, our rest was important..! Sis also got up late :)

Nobody scolded us.... miracles of all miracles. A hurried breakfast later (in which sis was only able to swallow some tea), we set to work. There was something or the other left. And at that last moment, we realized that Sis has no purse to go along with her dress. She has forgotten to buy it along with her accessories :D:D. So what do you think should happen.

Lol.

The car that Abba had hired for transporting us to the hall, was used to first take me and chotpo to the mall which is just around the corner. Once there, I was practically rushing from one escalator to the next, peering into shops, in hope of seeing a dangling shiny golden purse. Where were all the purses when you needed them!

Finally, on the third floor, I think, we found the perfect purse.Hurriedly we paid the shopkeeper and rushed out :)..

Back at home, all the clothes and stuff was to be taken out and ironed. Apa came to the rescue. After having done night shift and stayin at dad's clinic previous night, she still was active enough to take all the load of clothes in her arms and do the istri.
I hate istri by the way..*grimace*.

Anyway, finally we started getting ready. Those were mad moments. I couldn't locate anything which was supposed to kept in their particular place! Pata nahin sub us waqt kahan gaib hogya !... Weird. NJ and Chintoo were two of the people most in demand. They are really professional in their "makeup" techniques.

Andy is great too :) She did mine waisay... and I have to say..it wasn't looking bad. I wasn't looking like the joker i am..!

Sis was primped and pampered..and thoroughly enjoyed herself i think..:) Finally, we set outside..and reached the Hall. The susrali people were supposed to come after 20 mins and they did so..:) .. very prompt MashaAllah. They were in the Hall by 6.45 pm.

We met them and gave them hathon kay kangan..(er,,flower bangles?)

In no time at all, a short dua'a was made for the nervous couple and kulfi was served.. people had fun I think :) The entire Hall was brimming. Most of our guests turned up Alhmdulillah! And our kulfi estimate was pretty accurate too!

And then, the Time of Tearful Departure arrived. We hurriedly packed up some stuff for Sis and she retired to the Little Room for Brides to put on her abaya and scarf.

As she came out, and Mum and all of us lead her outside, many people later complained that they couldn't see the rukhsati cuz they couldn't locate the dulhan (bride).. I was like, you guys didn't see her because she wasn't seen in her dress... cuz she wouldn't want to go out on the street where the Decorated Car stood, waiting, all decked up and all would she?
:):)

Allah ka shukkar, nobody wept. Im soo glad. If there is one thing that can get me going, it's seeing people weep.. already I was shaken up by my Bari Khaala..who cried so much! She's mum's first cousin. Wonder why she cried such a lot.. :S (Im mean I know).

So we didn't even have time to think about things much..and the Decorated Car went off. But not before I saw my Brother in law.. :) looking sooo serious for the first time ever I think. His face might have been painted with......
"This is it!"

*tries not to laugh*

Khair.. we came home along with the bundle of presents. I felt weird. Many guests had come along with us home to have dinner and then go, yet the house looked empty.. Something definitely was missing.

Or rather, someone.

Dinner was served by us, Thank God! We were busy once more..Didn't have time to think things through! Wayyy later... I was still talkin to Apa..who was to stay the night. It was 3.30 am and she was helping me put some touches on Sis's wedding gift..:)

That was really sweet of her Masha Allah!

I didn't sleep a wink throughout that night. I knew I should save my strength for next day. I just couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in the empty room, where nobody would yell at me "Uni!! shut off the light!!!!"

*Deep sigh*..

Things change.

I really do hope Allah Ta'ala Accepts our efforts and makes things lighter for us in no time IA.
I'll do another blog entry about the very interesting time I had later........

Allah Hafiz

Things I hate

1. People coming up to me and saying "Your Sis is gone, how do you feel?"

2. Questions like "Ab tumhara kab ka iraada hay?"

3. Tum kitni udaas ho?

4. How do you feel about being all alone?

Damn them all !

*walks off in a huff*

Salaam

I have never experienced "being happy because someone else is happy" and "being sad because someone else is unhappy" ...until now.

Can't elaborate much on that waisay laikin life sucks too much at the moment. I feel like sitting and drowning myself in the HP book I stupidly left behind at Maamoo's place..! I don't believe myself.! Now there are other HP books too...laikin that one is the most gripping.

*miserable*

I have so much to do.. laikin i'm not doing a THING. Taking out my book bag and seeing the number of assignments and lectures I have to cover.. just seems like moving a mountain. So here I remain.. enveloped in a cocoon of illusion keh "if I don't think about it..its not THERE."

The worst thing one can think of. This is something I KNOW very well I'll regret later! Terribly too. Laikin yet, here I am. Blogging away merrily. Er, not merrily..but still...wasting time.

Khair..

The evening was marred by a huge sound of a blast which seemed to come right outside our house. Dad ran outside and saw many people running down our street towards the road. A few minutes later we heard the screeching sirens of ambulances racing towards the blast site. Turns out that was the third of seven blasts that occured in Karachi today!

Seven... can you imagine!!!! I watched the news in horrified silence and one after the other, the news anchor announced different places where these blasts were taking place in a timed sucession.

Mum asked us to all to recite Ayat-e-Karima..! We were pretty shaken up! So many innocent kids and adults were injured.. and we are hearing that three people have succumbed to their injuries. Allah Grant them a place in Paradise Ameen..and give them Darjaat of a Shaheed..!

Life truly sucks at the moment. Here we are, so insignificant that we can just see whats happening and not do a THING about it. I try to stop thinking but my brain doesn't shut down.....even at night.

It's one terrible birthday.

Valima!!

Salaam

Today was one of the busiest days ever!! Erm...today is 7th now.... I must be speaking of yesterday !

So yesterday was one of the busiest ever! We started late! Being completely tired out from the night before. I hadn't slept a wink! Why? Lol.. I was too busy making Sis's wedding gift!...It was a lame attempt to make her day lighter whenever she has a bad one :)

So I was awake.. In this way, I was able to wake up the whole sleepy house on fajr !! Cool no?

Khair.. then went about, preparing breakfast for all, trying to get the house in some order before Sis and TB came over.

They did pretty soon! :) And Sis was very happy MA ! He is not just a goof after all! Alhamdulillah ! It made my day to see her soooo happy!

Khair.. we opened the gifts ! Man.... they were all amazing. I thank Allah for all the pleasures He Bestows upon us and may He Bless the people who remembered us and wished Sis well and gave so many cool things :)

It was an elaborate affair. Had lunch real late then.

Slept for like, an hour or so... Sis left at 6.00 pm :( .. That was sad.. the prospect of "my sister going back home which is not where I am right now..." is a concept I have yet to get used to.

*sniffle*

Then went about rushing to get ready to go to Mamoo's house. From there we had to get ready and go to the Valima Lawn. There was (Allah ka shukkar) hustle and bustle there...

I would have gone mad on my own.. so it was better being in a full house with my cousin expertly getting me ready... (man... does she know how to apply an eyeliner or what!!!)

We went to the venue.. it was great. Sis was looking amazing MA.. And apparently, nobody could recognize me!

*indignant scowl*

How vile!.. There I was.. in a perfectly nice black sharara... :(..Khair.

It was cool...sitting on the stage...chatting with Sis ... having nobody around.. then snapping some pictures... etc :)

It was prettty cooool! I enjoyed today. I wasn't the host.. I had no worries....yesterday was a nightmare where work and responsibility was concerned.. will write details later...

Ab mujh say aur nahin likha ja raha....

Mehendi (Henna)

Assalamualaikum



A cold wet tissue paper lied discarded in my hand. I want to use another one. But it would take too much effort to get myself UP from this chair, amble over to the tissue box, take the zillionth wad out, and hold it to my dripping nose.


It's one of the worst days to have a huge cold. And one of the worst days to drink one and a half bottles of cold Sprite. I hate myself.


The day started idiotically enough. We got up late...(no surprise). Then had to go straight to bakery to get tea items. Patties, chips, biscuits and mithai. Then came the "getting ready" part. The mehendi waali was to come at 3.30 pm. I had to go pick her up!


She came along with her helper. And they both sat down immediately.. We began.


It was a nice start. Sis was obviously instructing the mehendi wali not to go too up in her elbows and not do this and not do that. They figured out after a looong time that this sister of mine was going to be the bride tomorrow.


Lol. That was funny! They berated me for not telling them...:) They said they have never ever seen such a simple "dulhan."


Khair.. many many people turned up. I was soo happy to see that many of those relatives turned up who had gone to offices that day, came back home, got ready and came right here .. :)


That was really nice. May Allah Bless them.

Mujh say aur nahin likhaa jaraha...:(

Now this is something to smile about...

Salaam :):)

The day started badly. The fever still hadn't gone down, my throat still felt like sawdust and my nose, man.... let's not mention my nose.

Most importantly, I was sick at heart. The other sickness doesn't even bother much, if my heart stops becoming so heavy, a lump stops forming in my throat, and my eyes stop stinging.

Basically, this is the kind of mood I was in :)

So what happened to make me smile?

Our Principal from A'Level came to our house. OUR house. Man..! That's so completely, utterly, absolutely...an HONOUR. She is soo busy and she took out the time to come to our place with a gift for Sis and duaaz and best wishes! She sat for fifteen minutes I think, and in those fifteen minutes, she transformed my depressed state from extremely low... to relatively high.

I sometimes feel that Allah is Really Really Really Merciful! I mean... think about it. What am I? What have I ever done to deserve being cheered up in so good a fashion?

Yet.........:)

Khair.....our Principal sat down and I made a cup of tea. She liked it soooooooooo much, she mentiond it thrice !! Maybe because it was "elaaicchi ki chaii" (tea with cardamom).. :) But I (very truthfully speaking) make mediocre tea. It's okay for me... but I didn't know it would taste that good for her. And that made me soo proud that I was able to "cook" something which was actually liked by HER of all people!

She was like "Uni has gotten domesticated! I remember her as being such a tomboy."

*deep grin*

Maybe she was referring her to my interest in sports and the bold escapade I had in which the school door was locked and I had to jump over the wall to the neighbouring place along with a friend :) I don't know. All I do know that this cheered me up immensely.

She mentioned to our Mom how we two have made her proud, and how she can't go to every student's place but there are some special ones (ahem ahem), whom she can never ever miss. Man! Was Mum lol surprised! :D

These are the bits which I would remind my mum the next time she scolds (which won't be that far off by the way).

So much was I affected that I am (after cleaning house and soaking rice) sitting down and blogging about it.!

Sis was pretty quiet (sharmeeli kaheen kii) and I was the one who told RJK about her first position in Masters ! Toobah! :)

I thank Allah for Making this day a little bit brighter, and during these tough days, making something happen which would always bring a smile on my face whenever i recall it.