Postie in University... and beyond

Written at 7.00 pm

Ah. Break again. And not that I have nothing to do, simply, my notebook (er, paper wali) has been borrowed by somebody else for copying down work. Sigh. This professor is toooo punctual, if you know what I mean. Okay, I should be really happy at this...and i am... deeeeeeeep down :P

But. It gets so bad when you walk into the class, only 3 minutes late, and three blackboards are filled with...

This:


:) This stuff is cool waisay. Take the example of this “niraalaa” statement we wrote today. (niralaa = out of this world):

There exists no value of x for which this function is true --- is equivalent to --- for all values of x, this function is false.

And this one :P

Not for all value of x, this function is true --- is equivalent to --- for at least ONE value of x, this function is NOT true

:D:D:D:D

Written at 9.00 pm
My brain is a logical dilemma now. It's 9.00 pm. And my folks are still not here. It's dark and creepy. I JUST saw a frog. When I tried to whip out my cell phone to snap its picture, it hopped away! (frogs really DO hop!!)

Acha khair.., as I said, a logical dilemma. The lecture today wasn't bad. But there are a few things I would like to highlight. If I were a teacher (I know I always say that, pata nahi woh dinn kabb ayy gaa) ---[okay, this is REALLY getting creepy. The hedge behind me is moving...and i can hear a “sarsaraahat” :S..dunno whats that in English)..sigh.

View from the bench where I'm sitting and typing this

Anyway

If I were a teacher, I would surely explain each and every symbol I am using. There are symbols I know I'm supposed to know. But I don't!! And since I am one of the stupidest in class, and every class HAS one.. so I, as a teacher, would always always explain the symbols, before using them. Some look like inverted A, some look like E written backwards, some are lil triangles with lil lines underneath them... the blackboards are filled with it! Tobah.

So the aims of the lecture were completed by 8.15 pm! So sigh, he started the next chapter. Know what that is? :S

Finite State Machines.

He asked the class, “Who hasn't done FSM in undergrad level?” I looked around desperately wishing for any hand to go up. Mine was the only one. Blush.

:D It seems as if somebody was waiting for my hand maybe, because another guy, very softly said “Yes Sir, I also haven't done it.”

So its two people in class. Great.

Ooh sis the priss just messaged. They must be a few minutes away... Gotta run !

PS: I took my netbook out with great hesitation today. Somebody had reminded me, that people who carry around these, and whip it out, and prefer to use it when they can talk to people... are considered arrogant :S:S :$:$:$... It's the general psyche of people... :(

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Written now:


I look back at this day, which kind of ended when I stepped in the house at 10.30 pm :S:S... and I wonder: Will I ever have time for anything else in my life? This is a 2 and a half year deal. It's already sapping up every last ounce of strength... but still. It matters when I come home, and folks talk about something, which I have no idea of.. and when I say "hey, what's that?"... so they say .. "Ohh, you weren't here, so you wouldn't knoww."

It's small. But it matters. So my mind isn't only a logical dilemma right now :)
The reason why I post up all this stuff (which is personal and a lot of "I" and "me" involved), is ... actually.. more than one reasons :)

1. One day I might look back at this, and wonder : Wow... I really did stay out of the house from 10 am to 10 pm !!
2. Hey, I used to have so much stamina ! (this thought might strike, if Allah gives Zindagi and I'm alive at, say, 40)
3. Other people who have a more relaxed lifestyle can see and appreciate their "relaxed states" :D
4. People who have a "lazy" lifestyle can begin to perk up and make their days more productive (how noble and saintly I sound...tsk tsk)
5. People who have a more hectic life style, can..er, slow down. There is more to life than work/academics :P

[learning is everywhere.. one doesn't need a university for it, like-minded, ambitious individuals are needed, that's all]


6. I can look back at this picture below (last lecture's) and remember how happy I was to actually do this stuff :D

Can you catch all the smilies at the end ? :D

Of mini breaks and major fikrs!

Salaam to all

fikr = extreme worry

Written at 7.20 pm today:

So. Get that. I am actually blogging in the 15 minute break Sir has given for Asr prayer. That's how friendless I am. Sigh.

Oh well, that's what comes out of praying earlier I suppose.

So what have we studied so far? Hmm.. Distributed computing models,

They seem pretty interesting and cool, but ...um, they're just boxes and circles .. (boxes representing machines, and circles representing um...oh yeah, processes). :P

So what new things have I learned today? Uh.. wait. It'll come to me.

Yepp. It has. The difference between processes and states. So er, a process is a program in execution. Anddd... a state is .. uh... STATE of a process. All parameters associated with it. Yawn. Yeah.. I think that's about it. Right now, we're on mobile code model. Mobile code as in, code that is portable. I had thought a mobile code means something to do with mobile phones. Sigh. Not to be. And hey, I finally know what a proxy server is! Sir explained in a cool way. He said, just like a proxy is made for absent students... and so much so that sometimes, they're even present and a proxy is made :P:P:P...in the exact same way, a proxy server emulates a real server exactly..!

Kids are coming back. And my lil netbook is getting a lot of stares. :S

So long!


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After class was over:

1. It was 8.45 pm
2. Driver was supposed to come at 8.45 pm
3. My mobile phone was dead
4. Basically, my charger's pin, when inserted in the phone to charge it up at office today, BROKE. And stuck inside.
5. Now i couldn't charge it up. Didn't have the tools to open up the phone, and surgically remove the stupid pin's part stuck inside.
6. I prayed magrib
7. At nearly 9.00 pm, I drove outside.
8. No driver.
10. Parked the car on a petrol pump, got out, and searched for him manually.
11. No driver.
12. Searched for 20 minutes.
13. No driver
14. Got into car.
15. Sped away.

I knew what was going to happen when I reached home. I mean, my driver has a cell phone and my entire family has one... and i knew he would somehow reach univ and start calling up my dad and chotpo, and then they would...........................................

Panic.

I knew it. Our family is famous for extreme fikr !!! So I drove like crazy. Reached home... and er, don't ask what happened, and what were the decibels of the various different yells I received... what were their pitch, and frequency. Don't even ask the amplitude, or the blood pressure all around. All signal attributes were quite measurable. The number of scenarios I heard that could have happened to me.

Or how many times I heard the word "careless" today.

*scowls very deeply*


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Tight transliteration :P

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سلام

یہ سوفٹویر بہت کول ہے

مجھے بہت مزہ آرہا ہے !! آج کا دن کافی سٹوپڈ گزرا. کل رات میں نے سونے میں بہت دیر لگا دی تھی- جیففرے آرچر کی کتابیں ھوتی ہی ایسی ہیں !! چار بجے جاکر کچھ خیال آیا ): ..

سو وقت آج بھی گزر گیا اور میرا لکچر ویسا کے ویسا ہی پڑا ہوا ہے ):

اچھا بس بہت ہوگیا -

خدا حافظ

Day II -- :o)

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I don't really know why I'm writing this. Perhaps I feel that the memory of today is going to dafe in the craziness of tomorrow ... ( I meant fade back there -- too tired to delete :P). So I'm going to try and brief the trusted blog about today. (Technically, yesterday :))

Acha. So what happened was that I was so anxious about reaching on time, that I was at the university at 5.15 pm !! (classes start at 6!) -- the reason behind this peculiarity was that I had to come in a rickshaw, and had anticipated that the journey will take more than an hour (since it had taken me and my baboonish driving an hour to drive to university).

But I don't know, the route that rickshaw wala took !! I mean, I did stare at the roads with all my concentration! But he took dunno which shortcuts, and we were there in 45 mins. Um, the fact that I couldn't decide what to hold on more tightly for dear life (my notebook, my bag, pocket Quran, or ..erm ..myself) in the rickshaw -- might have disrupted my concentration a bit :P

SO I was early. The common room hadn't opened. Debating whether to go to the library or not, I was greeted by a friend who had her class too that day, and she took me to the staff centre, and explained that the MS kids are allowed in here..! That was soooooo cool! I mean, I wished I were a staff member..! comfy sofas, huge room.. waiters to serve you!! What more could a faculty member want!

:-)

So class began at exact 6.00 pm. The teacher was a small cute dapper little man, quite quite old, very senior member of the faculty, very intelligent member of the faculty (one couldn't believe how old he was, he was that quick with variables :S)... etc. I had seen him before, but this was my first experience being taught by him. He started well. The only problem I faced was that I couldn't catch his words very properly.. (he has a distinct style of speaking).. so it was kinda hard to make out what he was saying. Staring intently at his face, did help, but then, the note-taking business got hindered.

I actually enjoyed the lesson :):) It was all the stuff I hadn't done in undergrad.. But the way he was teaching it, I nearly understood everything. It was a bit off-putting when one classmate remarked 'Oh we have done nearly all of the syllabus!' -- :S:S:S
But then, it was equally rewarding, when at one point in time, I was the one who explained to them the problem that was being solved on the board.

Now it all sounds very happy dappy :P

But it wasn't.

You see, at the end of the class, some students had stayed back to ask the teacher some stuff. I had lingered back too (because I hadn't understood something as well and had just given up on it cuz it was too saturating after three hours!)... so I listened carefully, trying to resolve my problems with that particular equation...

Teacher turns to me and asks: Are you from another university?
Me: Erm ..no Sir. I'm from here only..
Teacher: So you're from which department?
Me: I'm from Dept L
Him: Oh, so you haven't done LDST II right?
Me: Er, actually Sir, we haven't done LDST 1 as well
Him: You HAVEN'T!!!!!!!!!!?
Me: No sir
Him: So you DONT know K-maps
Me: Just the basics sir, as I said, we haven't done before
Him: Sequential machine design !!!
Me: Which design?
Him: SEQUENTIAL MACHINE
Me: *blinking* ..No Sir..
Him: Finite state machines ...(nearly hyperventiliating)
Me: Er .. no not really Sir
Him: NOTHING?
Me: No Sir, just the basics
Him: So how are you going to do this course!??
Me: I'm going to try my best to cover....... *cut off*
Him: You know.. that's why...THAT's WHY I had made such an objection to an "L" student's admission in this course. I knew that it can't happen. It can't ever happen!
Me: **stunned into silence**
(couldn't say a word -- just stared -- I couldn't believe anybody would say that, right at my face -- the two students who had stayed back were staring avidly)

Him: When you haven't done the basics at undergraduate level, how are you going to expect to do this thing in the course here?
Turning to students -- Him: Did you see that!
Student 1 (who I had rather admired because she had managed to even pick out mistakes in what the teacher had written on the board) : Sir, how is she going to do architecture? Architecture is all based on LDST...
Me: (thinking) : Hello, people. I'm still in the room you know..

Student 1 (to the teacher): I don't know why they granted admission to this student. When they haven't done anything like this ...
Me: *stunned for the second time into silence*
Teacher: I have no idea.. I don't know what were they thinking. (turns to me): You have to take a lot of help. Ask them (points to the two students) what books to refer. You have to revise a lot.
Me: *nodds** .. **all excitement, khushi of the day gone**... Sure Sir.

Class dismissed.

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What I don't want my blog posts to be :) is... rant about my own self. I want it to be a lesson for all those who try to "follow their heart" .. :P

Point is, that I could have easily chosen the parent field (the one in which I did my undergrad from).. but I knew one thing. I would have been miserable. Probability is so NOT my thing.. :). If I had narrowed my field even more, what new things would I have learnt?

At least the verification done today .. of pata nahi kis ka LAW.. was understood and done by pen on paper ... by me ..by myself. Plus explained by me, to two kids in the neighbourhood. What is it, if not a miniscule achievement of the day.

Yes, :D it got extinguished rather badly in the end. But at least... I enjoyed the lecture :)
I don't know many things in it. But I can learn. I can study extra for this thing.

And so can anybody, who wishes to follow their heart. The path isn't easy. That I can promise. People will make snooty comments :P (like the one when this supervisor says at my interview -- pata nahi yeh Ph.D kis main karaingee..(dunno in what field is she going to do her Ph.D) ..)

So .. follow your heart, and within the boundaries of reason, do not lose hope :).. If you enjoy something, very probably you will learn it. Otherwise, even learning becomes tedious ..something that you've GOT to do. And believe me, that's the most unfortunate thing that can happen in scientific education.

So long :)

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The day

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So the day had started apprehensively enough. I was nervous only about the "fitting-in" phenomenon. Google Maps helped me out quite a bit. Having stared at Wikipedia and Google Maps, I was outside the building where I work by 5 pm. The walk to parking, and the people to "take out the car" phenomenon took 6 minutes. I was cursing my luck from then only.

Away I sped. Yes. Drove like a complete baboon. I HAD to get to university on time. What I hadn't anticipated:

1. Rush -- traffic jams -- an area where construction was taking place, it was a mad house. Moenjodaro type roads. Terrible. That hour was one of the worst I'd ever spent. But....I'm going to remain quiet about. The only "being" that gets to hear these woes, is my trusted blog. So shhhhh.

Anyway, I finally reached university at five to 6.00 pm (6 pm classes start, and i had no idea where they were going to be held -- nothing had been specified anywhere, and :D its so "taken for granted" that everybody will somehow KNOW where they have to go. So away I blundered. It was 6.05 pm now. And i had heard of this particular department's ... umm, thoroughness and punctuality. So I was kinda worried.

Reached a room where people were being herded in. Asked the man "Is this Section XYZ, subject XYZ" ? He nodds his head vigorously, and urges me to go inside. I hurry inside -- I'm late (duh), everybody turns to look. I shuffle to the very inside of the 2^nd row, and sit down. The teacher stares, but doesn’t say anything. I look at the black board. There, clearly spelled out is the subject’s name : “Subject ABC” .. I was confused. But decided to stick around (I was recalling the man’s confidence outside). Several minutes pass by. The whispering girls behind me, finally nudge me, and ask “Are you new here?” ... I nod, very self consciously. They said (trying to hide their smiles) “So you have to go to the LAB, you have Subject XYZ now, don’t you?”...

I was like, WHAT! Great ! I jumped up, shuffled all the way out that row (which involves people glaring and picking up their legs to shift and make room for you), and under the glare of even the teacher, I rush out into the corridors. Sigh. Of course I was sadly late. Got to the right room though. The class had just begun.

Man, I was impressed. I’m SO not used to people teaching from slides (and REALLY teaching), and people who really really KNOW their stuff. :) That’s the only silver lining in today’s miserable day waisay. He’s a superb teacher. And taught well. So why do I call the whole thing miserable.

Well.. what other thing i hadn’t anticipated:

2. Teacher is going to use those words, phrases, examples a gazillion times, which even my angels haven’t heard of... I have no clue how they even SPELL. And worse, the class was so IN TUNE to them, that they even recalled specific incidents related to those examples/words/phrases...

Can you imagine that!

I mean... **fists clenched**... if I were a teacher, (what a day that would be), I would design my course plan in SUCH a way, that it would not refer to something UNLESS I have explained the basics of that something. If my class consists of people from different backgrounds, that is. Never would I put any student in silent torture, just because they don’t get simple things which were supposed to be done in nursery.

I remember taking online lectures for something, and in all the lectures, no teacher referred to something new, without an explanation, or chalo a reference from where students can find out more.

So *sadly* .. anyway, I refrained from asking any stupid question. My notebook (ahh the brand new notebook) is now riddled with words, which I have put a question mark against. Only to be googled later, and will strive and try my best to understand them. Self study here we come.

Undergraduate was different. We all were at the same level. All of us knew what the teacher was referring to when they talked about “yeh to ap nay 3^rd year main kia hoga! (you must have done this in third year)” ...Even if we didn’t recall the particular explanation, we, at least, had HEARD of those words and phrases.

The silver lining in the lecture was simply that the teacher is really really sincere in this (my first impression).... He knows his stuff, and teaches well. I couldn’t wish for more...really. [it’s me whose the dunce here, so have to work hard on that...I KNOW]....But it doesn’t stop me from sadly looking back .. at the first day of postgraduate studies.

Can't wait for the five-week Ramadan holidays. :S

Apprehensive

So nearly one hour from now on, I'll be setting out ... the journey from "Work" to "University" ...a journey I'm not quite sure of (I mean, the directions), but it's something I chose to keep quiet about. Uh, you see, if I make too much noise about the long distances (it's one hour from home to work, one hour from work to university), then I'll get the

1. Smirk

2. "I told you so" strings

3. "Foran job choro" (Leave work immediately)

4. You get the picture

So here I am, nervous as hell. [yeah, it's idiotic, but I can't help it, it's just me]. I'm the 'underdog' here.. as Younis Khan loves saying :):):)

Underdog in the sense, that the postgraduate field is different from the undergraduate one. I had hoped for some more daredevils along with me ... more classmates I mean. [koi to hota jannay wala]. But somehow, everybody dropped out. And went to the undergrad field. Sigh. That sucks.

So as I said, here I am, nervous as hell, knowing nobody, and thinking about competing with a bunch of very confident people in a different department, and knowing nearly nothing about the courses I am about to be taught.

Staring at Wikipedia didn't help. I know I don't know it.

God Help me.

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Of hard work, nobility, and gratitude :)

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So today was supposed to be my first day of MS studies...

:P ...underline "supposed to be"...

Allah ka karna yeh hua... that I was placed in Section B..and section A's classes start today.. Section B has to go on Wed and Fri (no not confirmed--but at least not today :D:D:D)

Man was I happy!.. After painstakingly taking out a brand new notebook, getting my netbook ready, pencil box readied (yeah, sure...roll your eyes)... etcetera..

I was quite excited and apprehensive about it waisay. But then, when one looks at a day that starts from 9.00 am and doesn't end at 5 pm, instead, starts afresh at 6 pm and ends at 9 pm.... one can only.... clear the throat and wish for things to just go smoothly... no matter how impossible it seems.

Anyway.. so that was the story about MS.

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I did something noble today... **angelically**..

This adorable kid came over to our place... said "Assalamualaikum" in the most jovial style you can imagine on a 2 year old. Then recited dua'as and stuff...said JazakAllah instead of thank you :D:D... Man..!

I went straight to the fridge, got out a Twix from the packet that had been given to Chotpo as a gift today (which is mine by the way:S:S)... and went and gave it to her! (along with choco pops and two Sooper biscuits) :P

I mean...usually Mum has to wrestle this stuff out of me (twix haan...I somehow... adore that chocolate).. And today ...I did it by myself. .. **chokes with pride**

hee hee


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So have you ever received a gift, an e-mail, or anything really, which you can see that somebody has spent QUITE a lot of TIME at? ..

I have.

And it was humbling. There have been times when I just can't imagine anybody going out of their way to explain their "points of view".... and people do. It's extremely humbling...and of course, I'm honoured whenever that happens.

Today I received something just like that... kehnay ko to it was just an MS Word file...but it contained a lot. 14 pages ain't something small. Overwhelming.

Something that really made me smile today :):)


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The journey back home was beyond beyond tiring. Basically, there was a trafiic jam throughout Karachi. And it sucked.... big time. Hitting the brake pedal, the clutch and the accelerator ...(with varying intensities) isn't easy on the footies! And today was no exception.

I stopped at a gas station (Darn me for being lazy and not filling up gas in the morning -- when I WAS fresh). So I waited and waited and waited. The line was long, and it was toooooooo slow. I cursed myself again and again.. The air conditioner was on. It was sweltering.

So teis was one of those petrol/gas stations where a man is dedicated to wiping off the car windows and windshield during the time it is waiting for the gas to be filled. This man.. I don't know .. HOW he got the motivation.. i saw him wiping three cars before mine. And i didn't see even an IOTA of variation in his earnest-ness... to make the glass as shiny, as if the window is open! It was THAT good. Sigh. May Allah Grant us the ability to work with this much honesty. Halankeh daikha jayy to its one of the most boring and monotonous jobs on the planet.

(I even watched him closely to see whether he gets paid for this or not..but only one man paid him a tip. Not all). I learned something from him today. Definitely.


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Need I mention that on the way AND back, I sung along to "Ayy Jazba Junoon" ?? (one of the two Urdu songs I CAN sing along to..-- the other one is Dil Dil Pakistan :D)

All the radio shows carried the same tone .. jubilancy...mixed with gratitude for the win yesterday. Pakistan...... ZINDABAD!

So long :):):)